We are all together in this – this Fear Of Missing Out on the best things in life, actually the best things in other peoples’ lives. This endless scrolling through our social feeds right through till midnight – lest we don’t miss out on Ms. Darjeeling ki Babydoll’s special surprise birthday party, which surprisingly was planned by her two BFFs (read sidekicks), and executed by Babydoll herself, of course without her knowledge!
We never fail to amaze ourselves with our ceaseless energy to troll others. Glancing through ex-colleagues’ LinkedIn profiles, trolling through a target individual’s Facebook and Instagram feeds, carefully scrutinizing the hashtags, decoding the meaning between the lines and arriving at our fantastical conclusions about his or her’s glorious life. What to do – we are like this only!
Like ‘eavesdropping’ is a legit human instinct, so is ‘trolling’ in this social networking age.
The Fear Of Missing Out is so acute and widespread a phenomenon the world over – the first world that is – that most of us have quietly succumbed to the fact that FOMO is the new normal. Everybody has it, so it must be OK. Which implies FOMO equals OK. When was the last time you heard someone is OK with their phobia?!
Most of us live with phobic disorders for the larger part of our lives without being aware of how acute our condition is. We walk back when a black cat crosses our path, heaving a sigh of relief from the horrors that would have been the order of the day otherwise.
We do not share our pregnancy news early on, lest evil eyes kill the baby in the womb itself. We do not tell about the recent slip disc episode that kept us from being oh so productive at work and somehow uncool in this age of the fitness rage. And we certainly do not share about our secret love affairs, despite the umpteen conditions that form the foundation of it, cautiously sticking to the – ‘We are just buddies’ phrase.
We thrive on FEAR. Our insecurities make up for most of our pseudo hashtags.
FOMO drives trolls, some of whom go to the extent of making sarcastic posts or comments, bringing upon themselves more harm than they could have possibly brought had they not trolled in the first place. We know our lives are good, we are often reinforcing it every time we share a picture on social media with the hashtag #lifeisgood, but we hardly believe it. For most of us, the grass is always greener… on the other side of the fence.
But, this is far from the truth. Because, the grass is greener, where you water it, my friend!
Fact of the matter is that true FOMO is essential, the Fear Of Missing Out On Real Life. FOMO ORL. FOMO in 2018 must be relegated to missing out on what truly matters to us, what brings us inner peace, what remains with us till the grave.
In 2018, we must fear missing out on the best things in life, like savouring a hot cup of tea at ease, without indulging in the pointless affair of sharing a picture of it on Instagram complete with the hashtags #hotcuppa #teaporn #iamatealover #teaaficionado #chaipanti #ifeelnaughtea and oh, not to forget the universal hashtag – #lifeisgood! (Fun fact – Yours Truly is a certified criminal in the use of #lifeisgood :))
In 2018, we must fear missing out on holding this little bundle of joy in our arms, lazily enjoying its cooing, rather than subjecting it to pure mental torture with endless selfie attempts to get the perfect one – baby nephew and bua all smiling away inside the perfect happy family frame. You know Instagram feeds have a short shelf life just as babies who grow really fast. Enjoy the purity of a baby, these little humans do not ask for much.
In 2018, we must fear missing out on the joys of travel. Getting lost in the wonder that is a sunrise, is way better than clicking a snapshot of it and sharing it with sleepy people on the other side of the planet. Clicking selfies with the locals only because it looks cool on your social feed is nothing enriching compared to the experiences you would have, had you spent time talking with them exchanging tales of love and longing.
In 2018, we must fear missing out on the joys of cooking for our loved ones. We cook in haste and spend most of the time in making the dish look good, for our social feeds. Missing out on the ingredient of love is like missing out on salt, well almost! What is the point of #homechef #instacook #sundaycooking #notagreatcook when the taste buds aren’t happy?!
FOMO in 2018 needs a new definition. Let us resolve to FOMO on the best things life has to offer this year. Cheers to #FOMO on the best of 2018!
It just feels like yesterday that we rang in the New Year. January 1, 2017 was an eventful one in so many ways, little did I know this new year not only would I experience the amazing feeling of snowflakes falling all over me, but also ushering in an absolute change in origin and scale of my life. For starters, I was at a very high altitude at a village called Tosh in Himachal, with the kinds of temperatures I’ve never felt before. I was as Madonna crooned: Frozen, at many levels than just my body.
I was certain this was my last night on this beautiful planet, I remembered my mother fondly nursing the infant me. I was chilling to the bone the whole night, but miraculously stay awoke and alive to see the morning of January 2, 2017. Well, Happy New Year to me!
Now as the year draws to a close, my life needs a closure too. The many expectations from this year that came crashing down just a few months ago, the many goals that were left untouched as I didn’t feel worthy enough, and the million unsaid words that will remain so, all of it now deserve a closure.
I imagine myself writing them all on a sheet of paper, or perhaps a bunch of papers, folding them and shoving them inside a bottle and throwing it in the sea. Swaha to the Sea Goddess!
A wise man once said that for the things we have to learn, we learn by doing them. I have to learn watercolour painting. I have to master the medium, else I might just shrivel up and die. The last four months I haven’t painted at all, it all felt so pointless. How do you laugh when you are being strangled?!
A harsh truth had revealed itself, the beautiful world I had so lovingly built came undone. The reason: a human parasite, a being that sucks out your light, your energy, your dreams, all the while flashing a crooked smile at you while you are looking away. This being was always there: hidden, discreet and a smooth operator in stealth mode. But, The Universe always gives you what you need and not what you want.
I needed this. This tight slap of reality. This series of lies, deceit and mind games needed to come to an end, And, it did, thank the good lord for that. Now I am empty. My slate is clean but with a thousand words wanting to weave themselves into poetry, a thousand colours wanting to blend together as a painting, a thousand wishes waiting to come true.
2017 was as much filled with love as it was with loathing. You know love and hate are two sides of the same coin, they are mutually dependent; without one the other cannot exist. And I also met with a new personality, a new me – a human being with a kind and compassionate heart. I almost want to embrace myself in a big tight hug!
Part of this is credit to my upbringing. “Forgive those who sin against you, as it is your own Karma, else it would have never happened in the first place!”
It is so true when they say that character is what you are in the dark. I could have become a monster out on a journey of revenge, but as an old Chinese adage puts it so wisely, and which I so followed, “When you go on a journey of revenge, dig two graves,” the rainbow is back in my life. I no longer seek to hurt this parasite, it is anyways sad that it is incapable of surviving on its own.
But, I do feel a lot disappointed in myself that I did not achieve the 50 paintings target I had set for this year. I barely touched a little over a quarter of that number, only 16 paintings to be precise but painted with heaps of gratitude nevertheless. It is really fortunate to be able to earn a decent living while you go about following a deep dream that’s been brimming forever inside of you.
I hate goodbyes but such is life. Adios 2017, you have been thus far the most significant year of my life. I have grown a truckload wiser!
Cheers to all my loved ones and admirers, may you have a great 2018 ahead. Sharing some of my works from this year:
Hi dear, good morning, go through my profile once again & decide or pass this message to those who really need my help. i have just started my journey in the titanic ship as dassan and looking eagerly for rose to share everything whatever i have with me till reach my destination. In the ship i like to do romance, like to help her and support her fully. waiting for a chance, whoever she may be, i dont know, expecting the luck of getting good and nice girl or women as a normal human being. it is not a friendship in the ship and also not necessary to make friendship but it is beyond the friendship level because sharing love and affection with a girl has totally different meaning, it has more value forever. it is not neccessary to get marriage. Marriage is just a approval ceremony to link male and female only. friendship is different, making love & affection is different, marriage is different. i am in second catagory. come, we will enjoy. see my face and talk, leave me if u dont like. give me a chance to go with you.reply me. dont be silent, be frank, nothing to fear,it is not a very un-usual thing, the way just to be happy in safe manner, waiting for your favorable reply, thanks. no compulsion, it is upto your own wish and decision”.
The above letter is unedited, unadulterated version from a certain ‘Mister Peri Vendhan’. Just copy-pasted here as is, else it would lose its very essence of existence; its very reason to be. And hell no, I haven’t made it up. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. This one is a gem of a proposal.
A while back, I had received this email proposal; I would have given it a pass had it not been bombarding my inbox every two days, like an incessant banging on my door. When I couldn’t take the banging [pun intended], I risked a read and am still recuperating. The after-effects of a catastrophe may take time to fade off, but not considering Mr. Vendhan‘s kind offer of help will leave one immortally wounded in the heart.
I have considered His Highness’s kind offer of help and am carefully evaluating his way ‘just to be happy in safe manner.’ Here is my reply to you, kind Sir, hope you do not mind the open letter format I’ve chosen to respond to your offer, I gathered there are other nice girls or women who could do with your generous offer of help and support.
Dear Mister Vendhan,
Kind Sir, May I please have the honour and privilege of addressing your Highness as Dassan of my Titanic, only for the purpose of this open letter? Dearest Dassan of my Titanic, I am deeply touched by your deep efforts to search for your Rose, with whom you wish to ‘share everything whatever you have with you till you reach your destination’. You know, the Titanic was doomed – it never reached its destination.
But, I understand your idea of destination is more inclined towards a romantic kind, you certainly do not plan to travel any place with your Rose.
You mentioned about what you intend to do in the ship: your idea of romance, help and full support for Rose is an exhilarating one. Any nice girl or woman would jump to that, but I sank, I’m unable to fathom the depths of your love for Rose. You say that ‘it is not a friendship in the ship, it is beyond’. You say that ‘sharing love and affection with a girl has totally different meaning.’ I think that was deep. And the Titanic sank real deep… oops!
I am a lowly nincompoop, what to do! I fail to comprehend the meaning of ‘totally different meaning.‘ All I know is that boy meets girl, falls in love, they get married and live happily ever after. But, in your story, I fail to see a ‘happily ever after.’ Will Dassan fall off the raft so his Rose could live? You know you seriously need to watch that movie.
So Dearest Dassan of my Titanic, I went through your profile a thousand times over, and like you so desired, I decided to pass this message to those who really need your help. I sincerely apologize from the depths of my heart for rejecting your kind proposal. Although there is no compulsion as you state, it is upto my own wish and decision ‘to see your face and talk, leave you if I don’t like’, I am deeply sorry for not giving you a chance. Believe me, I too wish ‘to be happy in safe manner.’
And, I do understand your point about there being ‘nothing to fear,it is not a very un-usual thing, the way just to be happy in safe manner’. Trust me, I am not scared at all to sail this ship with you, dearest Dassan of my Titanic. The issue is me: I just can’t see myself as your Rose. Who am I and what have I ever done to deserve you, your kind heart, your generous love and affection?
I’m deeply sorry once again for dashing your hopes ‘of getting good and nice girl or women as a normal human being.‘ I am a nice girl. I am normal too but just not privileged enough to set sail with you, dearest Dassan of my Titanic. Perhaps your Rose is blooming somewhere, some place as she reads this offer coming from the depths of your heart. I wonder how she will express her wish to sail with you.
Anyways, good luck to you Mister Peri Vendhan, I hope and pray that you two are united soon. Hoping this is a favorable reply.
When I was in school, I would collect scenic postcards sent to my friends from their aunts, uncles, cousins holidaying or staying in distant countries, most of which came from Europe. The intention behind this was simple – to build a rich collection of sceneries – seascapes, cityscapes, mountain-views – so I could paint them at leisure.
The scenes from the postcards somehow managed to turn into a pleasant memory deep in my mind, although, over the years of growing up and shifting homes, etc. I lost the postcards! But, our world has been blessed with Instagram now – every scenic picture (no matter what part of the globe) is just an insta click away!
Last December, me and the Mister happened to vacation at Himachal Pradesh, and the experience was uncannily similar to the postcard memories in my mind. Snow-capped mountains that reflected the colours of the sky – whites and blues during the day, pinks, yellows and vermilion hues at sunset. The deodar and pine trees helped add the earthy greens and browns to the picture-perfect views. No wonder then that the state of Himachal (Sanskrit name for snow-mountain) is also called as ‘Devbhumi‘ or ‘Abode of the Gods’.
Wherever we went, little homes and cottages dotted the hills, as the townsfolk went about lazily in their dreamy world, undeterred by the chilling weather, or bothered by travellers like us (especially me) starring at them in stark disbelief.
Here I was – chilled to the bone, praying to the Sun God and there they were – school kids with rose-blushed cheeks merrily dressed in their slick uniforms, men and women going about their everyday chores, with just a little in the name of warm clothing. The local fauna too – the dogs, goats, buffaloes, sheep and yaks roamed around like it was their business in the hills.
For a city-bred woman for whom adventure meant getting into a fast Mumbai local and being able to successfully alight (read: in one piece) at the desired destination, I knew I had a lot of learning (or rather unlearning) to do!
Our journey commenced from Old Manali – which we promptly reached in the early hours after a night’s travel in a bus from Delhi. (there are many state transport and private buses plying from Delhi to Manali from Kashmiri Gate).
Old Manali is the quaint hill town one would prefer to stay at, if the idea is to mingle around with the local folks or just observe their days and nights, and not to be confused with New Manali (only a few kms apart) marked with distinct tourist-y crowds – the loud, selfie-obsessed, littering-types. While Old Manali attracts the backpackers looking to connect with themselves, New Manali is for those Indian families looking to cross off their ‘Manali’ holiday from the list of 50 must-do Indian tourist spots.
Anyways, we stayed a few days in the guesthouses at Old Manali as we visited the must-see attractions during the day – Hadimba temple, Vashisht temple and hot water springs, Jogini waterfalls, and Mall Road. And, how can I forget Solang Valley – the most scenic place with adventure sports like paragliding, parachuting, skiing, etc.
The guesthouses in Old Manali offer a comfy stay with decent wi-fi, expect many foreigners, hippie joints, and cafes catering to all kinds of cuisine. A special mention needs to be made about The English Bakery that offers lovingly-baked cinnamon cakes, apple pies, carrot cakes, hot coffee and the likes.
I feel Manali has something to offer to all kinds of travellers – the seeker, the adventurous, and the shopaholic tourist. A 4000-year-old wooden temple still surviving, natural hot water springs (of which there are many in Himachal) all gel comfortably with the hundreds of shops selling everything from rainbow-coloured mittens and apple jam to dreamcatchers and woolen pokemon beanies. (There’s also hashish if one’s looking for earthly nirvana but the buying and selling of it is illegal!) Take your pick but don’t lose track of what you’re in Manali for!
Our days were slow. We watched local television channels or just wandered off the many trails in Old Manali, feeding our souls at the amazing line-up of cafes. From our guesthouse, I looked on at the surroundings. For every house built with a foundation of rocks and then strengthened up with the wood from the trees, there is a guesthouse beside.
A tea stall owner eagerly shared that nearly all families earn their living through tourism. Fact is – the whole of Himachal feeds off tourism. And, that has taken a toll on the valleys. The snowfall has delayed, adversely affecting the local farming, leading to a sad chain of events, those that are often marked by excessive tourism.
Still, it feels nice to watch life in its present form. Mornings started at around 10 with smoke bellowing out from every house, the wood-based boilers heated water for everybody in the family. Villagers gave their yaks and buffaloes a bath, while I mostly gave it a miss. All guesthouses have water heating and room heating devices but the moment you step away, you start chilling!
Another memorable experience was at Vashisht temple with its natural hot water springs. There are separate bath wells for men and women, and wash basins too! (TIP: Carry a towel and a change of clothes in case you want to go skinny dipping in the hot water spring baths).
One of the days was dedicated to Solang valley, we took a local bus from Manali depot and reached in the early morning. It hadn’t begun snowing hence the winter sports had not been up. So ,we took the automatic ropeway right up the summit, to be welcomed by snow-capped peaks and revel in the bliss of nature’s beauty. The mighty Himalayan peaks stood yonder, while I looked on and on and on…
Returning down the ropeway, we saw that the valley was now jampacked with tourists – moms, dads, kids all dressed as paragliders. The paragliding activities did not start until late afternoon as the wind conditions weren’t right. By the time it did by 3 pm, there was a long queue of super excited tourists waiting to buy their tickets, and that included us too.
But, when the counter guy asked us to pay 6K in cash, the Mister was livid. We were already saving our cash for other travel expenses and it just wasn’t right, especially post Modi’s de-monetization call when most ATM’s in the country offered limited cash withdrawals. The Mister requested them to take card payment but they refused. Left with a tough choice, we let go our paragliding dreams:(
But, our journey down was a breathtaking one – we were blessed with heavenly views. We trekked down for an hour and then found a local bus to Manali.
The next day it was goodbye to Old Manali, we headed to the Jana falls, a scenic waterfall in Jana village near Naggar, a few kms from Old Manali. It is a popular picnic spot with great local food and some adventure activities. We stayed for a night in a tent with nothing but a bonfire and some 115 sheep for company!
(Travel is very convenient through local Himachal Transport buses from the depot at Mall Road market in Manali. The buses have specific timings so if you happen to miss one, there are private taxis available anytime.)
We were told that Jana waterfalls is lined with apple orchards and offers a breathtaking panoramic view of the mountains, but unfortunately it wasn’t even close. It was not apple season and nor had it begun snowing – only dried branches jutted out from everywhere one could lay their eyes upon. In the name of a waterfall, there was just a trickle, perhaps we needed to trek up some more.
A giant hoarding with the picture of a majestic waterfall amidst lush greens and browns was the only testimony to the majestic beauty that it was… once upon a time! Our host later informed us over Whatsapp that the falls were transformed the next day when it began to snow heavily, and also sent the Mister some pictures as proof!
On our return to Naggar, we visited the Naggar castle, famous for its ‘Jab We Met’ song shoot starring Kareena Kapoor and Shahid Kapoor. The architecture is a mix of Indian and European influences combining stone and wood for the king of Kullu, who had some really good taste in artifacts. Now owned by the Himachal Tourism Board, one can check out the heritage site for a mere 20 rupees for the entry ticket.
We took a local bus to Kullu and stayed for the night. The city is a bustling tourist spot and everywhere I looked, there were lights twinkling from the many hotels and guesthouses amidst the darkness of the night.
We did no sight-seeing at Kullu but left our hotel early morning to travel to Bhuntar and from there to Kasol. All around this journey, one has the blissful company of the majestic Parvati River. Here is a watercolor painting of the valley by Yours Truly, it isn’t a match to the real thing but it is my sincere ode to nature’s beauty:
It was the 31st of December and Kasol was already teeming with lunatics – the New Year celebrations had to be grand. The hotels were expensive and the roads were jammed, causing state traffic cops to take matters into their hands. Also, we had to eat at a dhaba as other desired restaurants weren’t ready to accept card payment.
By afternoon, we decided to leave Kasol and instead head off to Manikaran, the pilgrimage site of both Hindus and Sikhs. Yes, the Mister and me are slightly pilgrim material too! But, the truth of the matter was our collective curiosity in the natural hot water springs at the Manikaran Sahib Gurudwara.
Fortunately, we found a helpful fellow traveller who was already staying at the gurudwara on our bus trip from Kasol to Manikaran. With his help, we found a decent guesthouse right adjacent to the gurudwara, and the best part was its private hot water pool. One could lay there bare naked undisturbed for a maximum of 20 minutes, I must confess Yours Truly made the most of this facility:)
There are many stories to the origin of these hot water springs, one is about Goddess Parvati losing her jewels (mani) while taking a walk with Shiva, and Shesh nag, a serpent taking it away with him. Lord Shiva then does the tandav dance, compelling Sheshnag to retrieve the earrings from the belly of the earth, thus causing heat from the earth’s core to spring out in fury!
But, I liked another story – the story of Guru Nanak and his disciples who only eat food that is donated. Once they had visited Manikaran and were given loads of rice and flour, but alas, they could not cook it as there was no heat. One of them prayed to the almighty who then created these hot water springs. The temperature in the springs is said to be anywhere from 86 to 94 degrees, it helps cook the rice at the langar. One just places rice in a cloth bag and leaves it in the hot bubbling spring, and voila, its cooked!
We stayed for a few days at the gurudwara, sometimes eating at the langar, sometimes finding local eating joints outside serving Maggi. aloo & cauliflower parathas, veg pulao, etc. And, we did shopping for knickknacks, the place has a vibrant line of shops selling everything from Tibetan wooden plates and sandals to local woolen wear and toys.
January 1, 2017, we headed to Tosh, a remote hill town that isn’t so touristy (as yet) leaving our luggage behind at the gurudwara, thanks to a facility where you can leave your luggage for a 100 rs a day. Travel is easy, we took a local bus to Barsheni from Manikaran and then trekked up the simple trail for an hour.
The most magical experience of my life happened on the way up to Tosh. As little droplets of rain fell from the sky, we were busy walking up, greedily relishing in the divine weather. Little did we know that these water drops will then convert to snowflakes by the time we were half way up!
It was amazing. The first day of the year. Soft flakes of snow falling gently all over us.
By the time we entered Tosh, it began snowing heavily and the whole place got a ghostly makeover. Guesthouses and cafes were made of wood and one of them happily let us in. After a hot, soul-warming cup of coffee around a fireplace, the Mister headed out in search of a decent guesthouse for the night. I stayed behind, delighting in the snowfall outside the door, and the fire inside.
The Mister returned with bad news. The loud crowds we’d avoided at Kasol had also made their way to Tosh to ring in the New Year as loudly as they possibly could. Most guesthouses had increased their prices and there was hashish in the air everywhere. We didn’t feel it safe to stay overnight with stoned gangs, and decided to return to Manikaran.
Destiny had other plans, though!
We made it downhill and were about to take the bus to Manikaran, when the Mister’s prying eyes fell upon a board that read ‘Pulga‘. He had just heard about this remote village that could be reached after an interesting trek. So, we thought it was a good idea to deviate and follow the road to Pulga in the dead of the evening. I say evening as it was equivalent to night with no power.
By this time, both my knees were frozen and had started aching, the left more than the right. Still, we made our way slowly along the only road we could see with our mobile flashlights on. When the path ended, we were lost and looking for someone to guide us. But, sundown is end of day for the villagers who all cosy up together in their warm homes.
We knocked at one of the doors, and were greeted with a helpful set of directions. “Just follow the yellow arrows,” they said. And so, we did. It was just that the way forward was uphill, narrow and paved with wet rocks and at times slippery snow. After a scary two hour journey, we reached the village at the top, where we found a very basic guesthouse. We sat by the fireplace as I tried to thaw my body, more so my left knee. By then, I was wobbling my way ahead.
The night spent at Pulga was supposed to be a quiet one, but alas, the New Year lunatics had managed to infiltrate this remote village too. The gangs of boys and girls screamed till the wee hours of the morning of January 2, egged on by all the chillum they were smoking. The mercury was at negative, it snowed the whole night as we lay awake shivering.
The sun is also lazy in this part of the world. It takes a lot of time (read 11 am) to finally shine through and the ice starts to melt. We make our way back to Manikaran or let’s just say we dragged ourselves, and this time, we returned in under 40 minutes. a trip that had taken us nearly 2 hours to climb in the wet darkness!
We spend a lazy day at the gurudwara, and still have another day to go before it is time to board a bus to Delhi. So, we decide to visit Malana, a remote village along Parvati valley. A shared cab to Jari that takes one to Malana entry point, is just the beginning of the narrow trek to the isolated village. It is a fairly easy climb but at the fag end of our two-week journey, one nearly broken knee and a wobbly walk, I had quickly lost my zeal to trek uphill.
Still, we went ahead, as I did not want to give up after having made it so far. The other leg was compensating for the one with the injured knee. In a few hours, that leg too gave up. We were only 20 minutes away from the village but Yours Truly was supremely in pain, and gasping for dear life, I decided to give up 🙁
We trekked down quietly, again with the painful knee and a sense of dejection. We took the same way back to return to Manikaran where I made full use of the 20 minutes in the hot water pool in our guesthouse. I watched the movie ‘Mask’ on TV, where the antics of Jim Carrey kept me at bay. The Mister brought us some specially cooked chicken dish with steaming hot rice and the day was made.
The next day was a lazy one strolling around the gurudwara, getting our hot water fix (that magically healed my knee pain) and indulging in some last-minute shopping, before we took the noon bus to Delhi. The bus trip is amazing in the day but by night, you are a little fatigued. We finally reached Delhi and then made our way back to Pune, laden with sweet memories, extra shopping bags and one broken knee:)
TIPS / NOTES:
Most images are courtesy the Mister, you can check out his Instagram for more. The rest are by Yours Truly.
The initial itinerary was designed by a dear friend of the Mister, that helped a lot in planning and tweaking our journey for the best. So, do plan carefully as Himachal is full of tempting places.
Take a torch, extra batteries, first aid and don’t forget to wear good boots to protect your feet from the snow.
Plan your itinerary based on what you want from the trip – ‘adventure’, ‘soul-seeking’, ‘just to chill out’ or ‘plain pilgrimage’. Don’t attempt all of it, like we did, and end up with heavy baggage and broken knees.
Look at the season. April to September is the best time to visit Himachal in my opinion, but me and the Mister do not have this luxury. Our holiday is restricted to December, and December it is that our hearts and minds can get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday routine.
Talk to the locals, they are friendly folks and who knows if someone might let you stay with them too!
I’ve been wanting to write this for the longest time ever and just kick it out of my system. I was always fed up with my maids and their idea of professionalism, but couldn’t risk fighting against it for anything in the world. Mediocre cleanliness is way better than a super shiny, nice smelling, deep cleaned home sweet home. My frustrations often took the shape of caustic posts: Maid in India, Maid 2.0 and My Maid and her newfound efficiency. However, a little compromise is essential for survival in any relationship, the wedded ones would know!
It’s been a month with my new bai and she’s much much better than the earlier one. My home feels like home now and not like the society compound below. The floors are shiny; I can sleep directly on them or just about flop down in any part of the house. She reports everyday and what’s more she arrives just in time!
Given my track record with ‘The Bai’, I should be partying around, zipping away from one room to the other on a broom. But, I’m kinda sad… there’s an inexplicable void inside that’s been eating at me.
It so happened one day last year that my ex-bai got talking to me, when the Mister wasn’t around. What started as a friendly little chat ended into an hour-long session, much like what therapy looks like at a psychiatrist’s clinic. The woman was actually just a girl of 21 from a neighbouring village, packed off to the big city of Pune to earn for her in-laws. Yes, you read it right – the wedding was just an excuse to bring home unpaid labour, anytime access to a woman for the useless son, and some extra income for the family.
Chapter 1 – The beginning of the end
Back when she’d turned 18, her parents got her married to a distant relative, who they thought was well off and well settled in Pune. Her father was promised the girl will never need to work for a living. The wedding happened, the marriage started and little did she know her small town dreams are going to be shattered soon.
For starters, the family did not have a house, not even a rented one, they lived on a parking lot near a construction site. The newly married girl, all of 18, had no privacy to call of her own. The father-in-law, the mother-in-law, the husband, and sometimes the brother-in-law all shared one tiny area, as their ‘home’. Finding a place to relieve herself was a nightmare in itself.
Within a fortnight of the wedding, she was told to begin this jadu-pocha work. First one, then three, soon it ballooned upto ten houses, including one entire office space in a tech firm. Soon after she found herself pregnant, lost her mother in a road accident and between this game of life and death, went into a depressive daze.
The day we got talking, I was shocked to learn that she was five months pregnant with her second child. And the best part in all this is, even after she returns to that so-called home for the mid-day break, there is no food for her or anybody else. The mother-in-law does not even make an effort to move that fat a** around in the house.
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow – Mary Anne Radmacher
She prepares lunch – 15 rotis and 2 bhajis, spends some time with her now 3-year-old son while getting some food into her tummy as well. She needs to rush again to other homes that prefer afternoon and evening time for the maid. She gets free just before midnight. The tech firm opens early in the morning, so they prefer the cleaning to happen after office hours!
In all this, she has no time to rest, absolutely no time to lie in peace and give those aching bones and muscles some me-time. 15 to 16 hours of pure menial work that may not require evolved skills, but is sure backbreaking as hell.
Chapter 2 – The fight to survive
I asked her if she had a bank account. The poor soul has never had a chance to create one, she doesn’t have any proof documents nor any money to put inside. All that she’s been earning has to be handed over to the bossy mother-in-law. In fact, if any of her homes discontinued work with her, her mother-in-law, also her manager, promptly found another home within days, so that the sum salary she brings home is always at optimum best.
One day her eyes were swollen, actually she had also come after many days, she explained how her husband suspects her of having affairs with the men in the homes she works at. He was very envious that she earned more than him, he is the watchman at the tech firm. I told her to take some action and if need be, we could help her.
There is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for – J. R. R. Tolkien
She said that the 10 days she had taken uninformed leave during Diwali was actually her plan of action. The pregnant woman had traveled to her village all alone, and finally confided to her father. Furious that she hadn’t informed in all these years, he asked her to stay and planned on calling a panchayat with the elders of both families.
Alas! Few months down the line, all anger had subsided and they had compromised their feelings: it seems she has two younger sisters to get married off, and nobody in the village would be ready to associate with this family if they went to the gram panchayat!
The girl-woman-mother-sister has found a smart turnaround though. She works at extra homes in stealth mode, that is away from the eyes of her prying mother-in-law. The payments from these homes, close to INR 2000 every month, is then promptly saved in a human bank – a trusted neighbouring girl who understands her plight. Every time she visits her dad back in the village, she hands this money to him. Some smart strategy there!
Chapter 3 – Every end is a new beginning
Life is a cycle just as the eras. What comes into this living world of ours, also leaves one fine day; nothing is forever, nothing is permanent. Like I always say, oceans turn into deserts, mountains become plains and living beings just find a new livelihood from scratch. My ex-bai might not possess all these philosophical insights, but she sure follows it all the same.
When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one and a lily with the other
She is ceaselessly fighting a lone battle day in and day out, never once believing that it’s all over, always on the lookout for an opportunity and staying positive when it comes knocking at her doors. She is what I now look at as a living inspiration in my life, a person in dire straits always looking to wish upon a star.
The Chinese say, “When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one and a lily with the other.” My ex-bai always draped herself in beautiful sarees with gold jewellery and glass bangles, the glitter and jingle hiding away her blues.
In moments of despair, I am reminded of her silent courage, her never give up attitude and that dazzling smile. So no more bai bashing posts on my blog, unless my new one acts funny!
Learning new forms of art and craft is a beautiful way to live your life. It acts like a repellent to the negative thoughts that generally stem from an empty or disturbed mind. After getting a hold on the basics of quilling, I realized these could be applied in many many creative ways to build new stuff. I stopped planning on any creative or craft based projects, I decided to go impromptu!
There are quite a few stationary stores in my area, and I hardly visit them. This time I did and there were some quilling strips in amazing mix of colours. Usually, I plan what I can make from them but this time I put a brake on my over excited brain. I bought quite a few packets with interesting colours and stored them in my craft drawer. Yes, I have one now! 🙂
Paper by itself is just a plain one-dimensional sheet, but when it is moulded in different ways you can create the world with it. There are so many beautiful ways to create a 3D world using paper: Origami, Paper-mache sculptures, Paper cutting, Quilling, and more. I chose the most easy technique from all these and that is quilling. Here are a few posts where you can learn to make miniature paper roses and paper flowers in a vase, and some ethnic paper jhumkas.
With knowledge of basics one can make miniature dolls too. When I was scouting through all the colours I had, there was a big bunch of flesh-tinted strips that said, “Make a little doll from us!” And, strangely so, there were beautiful colours for little dresses too, so that was it. I decided to apply all the basic quilling techniques into making a paper doll.
For the below dolls, I’ve made four units – one sphere and three conical shapes (the technique is the same as the one used for making the vase and the jhumkas shared in the earlier posts). Stick a couple of miniature roses on the doll’s headband and some frills across the neck using the daisy flower making technique. I added some frills on the sleeve ends and the skirt ends.
For sweet old grandma, I wanted to do something different with her hairstyle and dress. Unlike little Miss rosy, she cannot have flicks in the front. So as you can see, grandma’s head was painstakingly covered in spiral strips from side to side, giving the look of curly hair tied into a bun. The same technique can be used to make a weaved basket too. (I made one, but gave it away along with the dolls without clicking a picture.)
Also, grandma has short puffed sleeves ending in frills. This is just a first try so maybe there could be better dolls in the future.
Useful Tips: The only thing that will spoil the final look of your doll is balance. If little Miss Rosy and sweet Old Grandma can’t stand properly on their own, that would be a sad story. So, take pieces of thermocol and stick it inside the cone shape of the gown/dress. This will add some mass and also give it balance. Add little shoes if you feel like it, or leave it at that.
Also, about the sphere of the head. Before joining the two half cups stick thermocol pieces on both side and keep a tiny pebble in between. This will always ensure the head is weighed down on the body and help in making your figure stand straight!
The Wise have often said, “a couple that travels the world together, will always live together.” I and the Mister are like chalk and cheese, and it’s only by divine miracle that we are still married to each other. When I say, ‘trekking’, he’ll blurt out, ‘sleeping’ and then emphasize with a yawn. When I say, ‘kulfi, he’ll say, ‘ice cream’. When I say, ‘chai’, it has to be ‘coffee’… you get the drift. The idea is to agree to always disagree.
It so happened this month that we both agreed to make a small trip to celebrate a BIG occasion – yes, the Mister & I completed five years of this roller-coaster of a journey called ‘marriage’ on the 6th of May this year. Monday, the 2nd of May it finally dawned on us that Friday would mark our fifth wedding anniversary. And that it was a hot summer weekend too!
Although I’m sure I’m the soul that deserves an award for putting up with him for five years, he believes he should be given a bravery trophy for sticking by me all these years. Whatever our beliefs are, deep inside we knew we had to make it big. None of our close friends or family expected the two of us to stick together for so long, yet we did it and how! The celebration had to beavery special one indeed!
We live in Pune and the sun is not so kind in this month. We did not want to travel too far and feel all dehydrated and exhausted for our getaway celebration. We also did not want to increase our travel budget via domestic airlines. Our best bet would have to be a cooler hill station nearby – perhaps Lonavla, Mahabaleshwar, Panchgani or our favourite, the quaint old Matheran.
We opted for ‘The Machan’ – a serene tree house resort 17 kms from Lonavla and 80 kms from Pune. And, much to our surprise, we got a 25% summer discount for booking in May. So that’s a Yay!
The morning of Friday the 6th was a busy one, we finished with the packing and tried to wrap up our work for the day, as we needed to push off early. We got into an Alibhag bus from Shivaji Nagar bus stand at sharp 12 noon, and reached Lonavla at 1:45 pm after a slow, not-so-bumpy ride in that rickety bus. Then we headed to Annapurna Pure Veg located right at Lonavla market for an amazing lunch – masala papad, roti, naan, bindi masala, veg pulav and glasses of chilled lassi to wash it down with.
It was hot, sweaty but the excitement of staying in a tree house got me all energized. Every moment was tugging at me badly like a perseverant kid pulling his mom’s saree pallu. We were to stay at the Sunset machan for day 1 and the Canopy machan for day 2, as we were a bit late in planning for our anniversary celebration.
The most popular machan is the Sunset machan and everybody wants that, why you ask…you’ll know soon from the pictures. It is the best machan ever: you can lie in a giant bathtub on the wooden verandah, watching the sun set amid the mountain peaks, while surrounded by trees all around you. Or you can laze around in the lounge chair beside. The feature image of the canopy machan is what I clicked when on our nature trail around the acres of trees in the evening.
So, we got into an autorickshaw from Lonavla and reached the resort in about half an hour. We checked into our machan – the Sunset 1 and knew in our hearts that this must be in the list of ‘Top 10 holiday getaways for nature lovers in India’ or at least in ’50 Best Holidays In A Tree House’. As you can imagine, I immediately got into the bathtub though it was sunny at 3 pm.
There was pin drop silence except for the cicadas playing spoilsport for most of the day. It seems summers are mating time for these insects that make a horrible sound by rubbing their legs, and there were millions of them.
Being inside a tree house with the tops of trees for company, is an altogether heavenly experience. I felt like a high flying eagle at times and also a monkey at times, which I most often do, machan or not!
We went out for buffet dinner at the fireside, though the heart was still in my little wooden house. Dinner was what you’d expect at a decent Indian restaurant, and finding the same here was super cool. Then it was back to our machan and back to sitting cross-legged on the wooden floor and just gazing at the view outside. The Mister had already had his time in the bathtub with some wine and pristne nature for company.
I had indulged in some doodling, then some reading and then stopped everything to just ‘get lost’ in the view. the night was dedicated to star gazing. Whenever the clouds parted, you could see a black blanket embedded with a million million glittering stars. I was lucky to see fireflies flitting away beside me, and began to feel like a magician. A monkey magician, if you may!
The complimentary breakfast is a never ending spread: there’s french toast, pancakes, baked beans, boiled eggs, masala omlette, as well as mini idlis, medu vadas, uttapams and tea, coffee or juice. For the health conscious, there were fruits too. Lunch was at the fireside too, it was a shorter version of dinner, very few of us guests had come to have our lunch in the company of the hot sun.
All the food and the heavy dose of nature proved bad for me. I began to get attached to the place, where I was just a weekend guest. Anyways, the stay in the Canopy machan was good too – the antique brass switches, the lamps salvaged from a ship and everything wooden was there too, but no giant bathtub in the verandah.
The Mister made himself comfortable in the wooden rocking bench in the verandah instead. There is also a hammock, but the sun was shining right on top. I waited for the evening to set in, but lying in a hammock in a machan makes you sleep like a baby. I got up and began jumping around my machan like a monkey!
The Mister went for a full body Ayurvedic spa massage, there are other types too, while I lazed around in the bench and promised myself not to cry when we leave this place the next day. Shortly after, we went for a nature trail that ended at sunset point, on the trail we saw special trees and medicinal plants as well as poisonous plants.
A tree called Anjan actually stores pure water in its stem, leaves and branches after distilling it from the ground water. Standing around a bunch of Anjan trees makes you feel like standing beside a natural cooler!
We checked out a little while after our breakfast where we ate like kings and queens. The return journey was a quiet one, the autorickshaw guy sent another driver of his, we reached Lonavla in no time, and got a bus to Deccan in Pune. Lunch was at KFC in Deccan and then back home to Kothrud. Our 5th wedding anniversary has indeed been a memorable one, despite the last minute planning.
The journey of a lifetime… begins with a wedding or maybe in a tree house!
For all of you who’ve completed at least a year of marriage, the Mister & I wish you many lifetimes together so you continue to fight over tea and coffee like us, and make your yatra a memorable one!
This April the 4th I turned 38. It may not be a big deal, in fact it is just a number, but it is a significant one nevertheless. From a size ‘M’, I’ve grown to a size ‘L’ if comfort is what I’m looking for. I need to stub out a few beard hairs every week, else risk looking like ‘she-man’. I carry around a tyre like a stationary hula-hoop around my waist. I’ve begun to eat more than I need, exercise less than I must, talk more than I should, listen less than what is good for me.
My thought processes have chosen their absolute paths around my cranium and the connected nervous system. Everything there is to learn in life to sustain a decent livelihood has been done with, and my grey cells have gone into hibernation. I feel a terrifying vaccum inside me is sucking in everything from my insides, forming a lump of non-renewable mass to be never transformed into energy or set anything into motion again in life.
Apparently, this is what is termed as mid-life crisis, or the perceived notion of reaching a ‘dead end’ in one’s journey, because everybody (read society) says so!
The so-called ‘People of the Society’ now have a fair understanding about me, and by that qualification, they can now advise me on what exactly I should be doing in the 38th year of my life.
A coincidence off-late made me mull over my age. It so happened that I was seated at a popular Chinese takeaway, waiting for my parcel, when right adjacent to me was a standee, displaying loudly: “Your Age is your Discount”. A beauty salon was looking to boost its haircut sales.
I wondered, “Can my age be discounted in real life?”
38 tells me how much grey has begun to set in; how fatigued is my body; it nudges me to go for a health check up so I could wring any hereditary or lifestyle diseases right away while the nasty things are still in stealth mode. 38 tells me I’m closer to 40!
38 defines where I am in life with respect to where I should’ve been in life as per my life goals. It tells my government to put me in the next demographic. It tells the people around me that I have now arrived at a ‘big’ juncture in my life, that I should now take life seriously, that I need to now worry about my aging body and not flush my eggs down the toilet bowl – and here is where it all ends, sadly!
38 also throws up some very vital questions: Am I sporting an age-appropriate waistline? Should I colour my greys? Have I under-achieved compared to my peers? Do my friends and family miss me? Does my age bother my other half? Can I still reach the finishing line? Am I a failure?
Wait…these don’t look like vital questions, in fact, these aren’t even questions!
These are fears implanted over the generations, in you and me; like a wheel it goes on and on in a never ending cyclic path, consuming every fresh idea that comes its way.
These are fears implanted over the generations, in you and me; like a wheel it goes on and on in a never ending cyclic path, consuming every fresh idea that comes its way. Satan’s other name is Fear!
Age can be discounted had we been told how many years we would exist. Let’s suppose a human life was designed to live fully till 100 years, and then the aging process would set in. In this imaginary world, I could avail a 38% discount the whole of this year, and really look forward to turning 39.
But, we are mortal beings with no number attached to the lives that die every second. They could be 3 or 8 or 38, and still mean so much to the people in their lives.
The only way to keep going on is to ‘unlearn’ everything they tell you to. Stay in the ‘now’ and not worry about the future and certainly not about age, because as someone wise once sang, “Que sera, sera.”
Cheers to all of us who are 38 years ‘young’ this year!