The evil in me (a retourne)

too conscious to evolve am i
under his sly, scrutinous eyes
they survive onΒ  eternal seduction
for him no bell tolls, for he no longer dies

under his sly, scrutinous eyes
i lay defeated in unholy highs
as Satan’s spider twines and swings
an evil gossamer binds my wings

they survive on eternal seduction
his proverbial snake at the alter of suffocation
his action impromptu, my wrath undefined
i lay in chaos, my ideals crucified

for him no bell tolls, for he no longer dies
for all that is evil in my dark insides
is a manifestation of him, a hungry parasite
he is in me and i am his host entwined!

P.S: This was my first attempt at a retourne, inspired by Kartz!

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37 thoughts on “The evil in me (a retourne)”

  1. Wow!! totally OHT.. earlier I used to understand at least the feeling behind the write up.. but this time totally stumped!!

    sawan ke bachhe.. itna praise kar ra hai.. jara mera ko b samjhana iska matlab!!

  2. Sawan
    u first! here eclairs for u >O<>O<: )
    thanks for liking this retourne, it was quite taxing to repeat n then take the narrative/theme forward…Do try it man..all the best:)

    ST
    samajnewali baath nahi hain..bus feel karo:):) tum aur tumhare andar wala shaitan..he he ha ha ha!

    Chriz
    ammam..all beings r one:)
    i am the apple as well as the mango:)
    the Tamil sounds like compliments, if yes then
    {:)}
    else
    { $^%&$# )
    whats ‘eludhureenga’ ??

  3. Gothic. Riveting. Subterranean.

    The said evil is part of everyone. It is the amount of influence that has the final say.

    Beautifully conveyed. And I thank you for linking me to your composition.

    Blogrolling you with your consents.

    @Sawan
    Bro’… High time you churned out one, too. πŸ™‚

    Peace. Have a wonderful weekend.

  4. Hey Awesome…. I read this part of it again and again…

    for all that is evil in my dark insides
    is a manifestation of him, a hungry parasite
    he is in me and i am his host entwined

    Richness in the words, swept me away

  5. vins, translation or subtitle in angrezzi please..
    standing along with ST and not able to know how evil u r …….

    jungle book ka kuch kahani he kya…

    turandh reply karoo…

    iss mahine ka rupayya ye chitti ki sath bejj raha huu…
    maa aup bappu ko pranam ….
    school se sidha ghar aanna …
    bakki sab tik hee…..

  6. I didn’t understood anything πŸ™

    searching for my dictionary.. will be back πŸ™‚
    and the header is cool.. but not as good as previous one..

  7. too conscious to evolve am i
    under his sly, scrutinous eyes
    they survive on eternal seduction
    for him no bell tolls, for he no longer dies < --- So damn true !! I can relate to every word of it i lay in chaos, my ideals crucified < -- this is the best line I have heard in a long time now - Vinnie by far this is the best poetic work of yours according to me. I'm astonished , wrapped by your lines pervasively and its been almost 10 times now I have read this poem since yesterday before I could come up with the right words to comment. :) Amazing – loved it over and over again !!!

  8. Hey Vinnie!

    Thanks for dropping by and commenting! was great to see you again and your blog has grown so much and I see that there are no dearth of comments! πŸ™‚

    Wish you the best of health.

    Cheers,
    Velu

  9. Amal,
    Welcome man, hope u like what i scrap here…otherwise its a big risk to nervous breakdown (read below comments:))

    Kartz
    thanks to u for introducing me to Retourne style…abt blogrolling me, ur decision entirely..tomo dont blame me!

    CM-chap
    gosh! my words have swept u away…r u back? :)! pls come back n hopefully i can sweep u away again:) thanks man!

  10. Priy Karmanna ji
    Maa bapu ko pranam
    chotu ko mera pyaar
    dadu ko ek dairy milk
    aur aapko der saara maar πŸ™‚

    kyonki main bahuth ‘evil’ hun
    kyonki main ‘shaitaan ki bacchi’ hun…kyonki mujhe aise poetry likhkar aapko tang karne ka iradha hain:) πŸ™‚

    jungle book ka saransh is poem mein daalne ki meri choti si koshish:)

    just loved ur reaction n ur letter is too good !! promise i will write something for u soon…maaf karo bhai!

  11. Kanagu
    hehhehee..u n ur dictionary !!
    u never come back, i know:)

    n thanks for ur frank feedback on my new header..kya kare bhai?
    i wanted to show Pooh along with gang meaning me with all of u pic…i had one such earlier too…anyways, headers keep changing in my space…so long..

  12. Rags,

    thats it for me! u have crowned this to be my best work…i plan to retire:)
    thanks a million, buddy…the reading it nearly 10 times is a definite ‘high’ for me…hic hic!

    frankly, its just a one-off moment when my head is empty, no more thoughts get generated. i felt the evil within me stopping me from myself n some words come from outside n my fingers start writing…yes, i wrote this in my notebook:) πŸ™‚ Satan only knows what happens next…

    Rags, hope u really liked this piece so much….means a lot to me!
    do keep visiting me always πŸ™‚

  13. ST n ur anonymous dost
    tainu ki problem hain yaar…pls mainu bata do…tussi post math pado na…koi zabardasti hain??

    Anonymous
    Karthik ah ??? yenna kanna…u r not studying for ur exams da…yeddike ippidi naa post padichitt time waste pandringe ????
    hope my Tamil was superb as usual:)

    Velu
    i felt nice to see u again too:) Indiblogger zindabad:) thanks for ur wishes n wish u too πŸ™‚

  14. Kanaguam waiting….:)

    ScrawlerThank u!!

    Raghav:):) thanks man!

    NirmalTigger says that:)
    n i was talking in context of readers who couldnt follow this poem n wished to shoot the hell out of me:)
    Ta Ta For Now !!!

    Karmannaaap most welcome saar!

    Unknown!!fools rush in where angels fear to tread :):)
    i too envy them..thanks yaar

  15. /*i wanted to show Pooh along with gang meaning me with all of u pic…*/

    thats nice of you Vinnie πŸ™‚ We are happy πŸ™‚ now the header is too good πŸ™‚

    and for the poem..

    this is what I understood..

    you(maybe somebody) are under a man’s strict control.. but his evil practices itself gets into you..

    correct me if I am wrong πŸ™‚

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