He loved her in the abstract. In real, her curves nauseated him. The mere mention of her name sent shivers all over him and he wished he had never met her at all. Had he heeded to his friend’s advice, Sam would not have seen this day. Or lost a precious friend like Tejas.
Many had tried to warn him before. But, Sam was mesmerized, a possessed man really. That doe-eyed girl with the most divine charm around her; only a lucky soul like him could get her, he reminisced.
Sam maxed out his credit cards buying her diamonds and designer clothes. He even calmed his distraught mother who was almost sure that her vulnerable son has been duped in love. He would often tell her, “You will be the happiest mother-in-law in the world, Maa!” Sonia had him all tethered so much so that if she was even pricked by a pin, Sam would bleed himself. In fact, he was even planning on an exotic vacation with Sonia, one that was worthy of the divinity she exuded.
Now, as he squatted on the cold floor this winter evening, he stared hard at the patterns on the tiles. “Weren’t all these fuzzy shapes there before? Why couldn’t I make it out? The writing was so large on the wall, oh! How can I ever wash all this away? His brains clogged up with questions, burning and repenting at its stupidity.
He wished he had never visited her that disastrous night. The night he wished to erase from the calendar of his memories. The night she managed to turn him in while he bolted away losing himself. The night he saw her in her real ‘avatar’.
“We may not meet again,” these were her parting words, while she explained why she had to go. She had no tears, only a pair of trembling lips. He didn’t see that for he could see nothing at all. His eyes turned red with hot tears rolling off his cheeks, soaking in the pain of separation.
“We could still exchange letters,” he pleaded. “You know that is of no use, dear. Let us make a night to remember instead, what say?” she tried comforting with a deal.
The love he felt for her couldn’t fathom anything. What ‘use’ is love other than love itself? “Why can’t she be mine, only her and me – isn’t that how it is supposed to be?” he wondered.
So, visit her that fateful night he did and does it every once in a while although in his mind. He wished she didn’t turn out that way – Lust had engulfed her whole being; panting and groaning loudly, she had managed to overpower him. Not one bit the divine image in his mind did she mirror. She was what Tejas had described like. “Sonia is the worst man-eater I’ve ever encountered,” he recalled Tejas warning him one day. She maintained a list of her victims and prided herself in her alluring beauty.
So, while searching for some meaning in those patterns. he weaves another story for that night, after all she was his sunshine girl and he craved for her in the image he had created –
That night, he pulls her up close to his heart and promises to protect her through thick and thin. Sonia cuddles up with him in the sofa, believing every word he says. Together they talk about the moon and the stars and the long ensuing painful separation. They make plans to write to each other and never let go, come what may. Sonia weeps softly as they promise many other things until they fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Alas, Sonia was but a figment of love within him. A reflection of his own whining and all things lost besides the feeling of love. And to be loved.
Now he hazards around strange women. It’s a pity that none have aroused such deep emotions as his sunshine girl had. And it is sad that none ever will. He had lost his innocence and couldn’t turn back the clock. He had forgotten how it feels to love but he could never ever forget that fateful night.