The ‘D’ factor no marriage wants to face

Happy wedding anniversary… you guys rock!!!”, I had pinged my long time best friend, on his third wedding anniversary three months ago. Although the green icon meant that he was online, there was no response. And I thought to myself, ”He’s probably missing her.” My friend of twenty years was sitting miles away in the US of A, with his wife waiting for him in Bombay, being apart for only sixty days. The situation called for a sad romantic filmy number, but it was far from it.

Had I known what he was sledding towards that day, I would have been ready for it. The shocking truth struck like a bunch of sharp knives, when he finally broke the silence now, “B & me are going for a divorce,” he shared in quiet a matter-of-fact manner. Ironically, that evening, he had been watching a Gujarati play based on a cheating wife with a good enough reason to do so!

Being married for two years myself, the ‘D’ word sounded scary.

I was numbed for a few moments. Half-hoping that this is some kind of joke he’s pulling on as usual, I asked him whether he knew the meaning of divorce. What followed then was a long telephonic conversation of his three-year marriage ordeal, including mostly about his wife’s clandestine affairs and sly drinking habits. And the worst being her quick, sharp tongue towards his parents, the most community-oriented and genteel beings that I’ve ever known.

The ‘D’ thing has come as a rescue!“ he concluded with a sigh of relief.

It took me a week to get hold of reality; this was to happen anyways…she had started a new affair a couple of months right after the wedding! The mind games she played with him belied the girl I knew of.

She lost her mother when she was 14, and has to tag around her over-possessive father everywhere she goes. She has a degree in psychology of all things. She works as a Human Resources manager, and recently had earned a Masters in HR, hoping to step-up the corporate ladder. Every year sees a grand birthday party for her.  A very strong-headed, ambitious girl, who was always on the lookout for outdoor adventure and learning something new. She had taught me a little of acupuncture when they visited us last year.

I couldn’t digest such extreme variations in one individual. How can one be so positive on the outside, while living out such fanciful extremes on the inside?! It beats me completely.

Meanwhile the divorce is in progress. Right now, as he is battling the emotional void within, she has been harassing him with alimony demands. While this could be a long-drawn affair, as my poor friend fights for justice and freedom, at the same time, it also lays bare the fragility of marriage in this age of Whatsapp, Facebook and other easily available access tools to have quick affairs on the go.

Of course, the fault is not with these tools but the minds handling them.

But, it sure leaves you scared when you have seen quite a few infidelity-led divorces happen to the loved ones in your life. The emotional rupture tearing apart both and if god forbid, there are kids involved, the ‘D’ thing gets all messy and painful, not to mention the harrowing around  for alimony and maintenance of them. Besides, marriages everywhere in the world also involve both sides of the family. And these guys usually suffer the most, as they are mostly parents seeing their children’s lives come apart with their dreams of a happy and secure future shattered.

It is good to be adventurous in life but what good is this kind of a risky behavior, when you were not denied anything at all. I pray that my friend finds the strength to face this and a good companion to make this journey worthwhile.

Image courtesy: fitwallpapers

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6 thoughts on “The ‘D’ factor no marriage wants to face”

  1. So shattering ! The D word is definitely one thing I pray no one in my loved ones circle encounters =/ Hope your friend gets over this sad phase of his life ASAP.

    1. The word’s ‘Shattering’… you got it right! This whole thing has shattered me too….perhaps this post is my way of letting it out..

  2. Vinaya, separation can be traumatic. Those who are in a happy marriage are truly blessed. This post is so visual and honest that I feel for your friend. And you are right, how we connect via Whatsapp or FB depends on us.
    Where in Pune are you dear? My son is in Pune, working as a GET for Tata Motors. I might visit him in Feb. Maybe we can meet. BTW your pic with ur hubby on Goggle plus is very sweet.

    1. This week another recently married friend has caught his wife carrying on an affair with her ex (who is married elsewhere 😐 ) WhatsApp has been the handy tool for the clandestine affair. I don’t understand what’s happening to my generation. I feel hopeless 🙁

      Thank you for the compliment, Alka…that pic captured everything perfectly:) I’ll take your compliment gladly, as I love that pic myself. We are here in Kothrud, let me know whenever you make it here…happy for your son:)

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