Why Besharam should go to the Oscars

Besharam_movie_poster
Image courtesy: wikipedia

You ask me why? I ask you “Why not?!” Without a doubt, Besharam is 2013’s only defining film of Indian cinema. It is crassitude unlimited with a major focus on Ranbir Kapoor’s itching crotch. Why, it even highlights Rishi Kapoor’s toilet antics, complete with the many variations of constipated facial expressions, by the end of which unsuspecting viewers are enlightened about the erstwhile actor’s painful bowel movements.

By virtue of many such deeply philosophical moments that define India, and the country’s fascination with potty humour and itchy crotches, the movie certainly deserves to be India’s nomination to the Oscars. No other film even comes close to calling itself an authentic rendition of the Indian saga. Remember… we prefer mobile phones over toilets, the Chulbul Pandeys over Dabbawalas, the pelvic thrusts over cranium ones and…never mind!

Characters

If you are still not convinced, let us discuss about the key characters that make ‘Besharam’ the iconic movie that it is.

Bablee the car thief – Ranbir plays him to the ‘T’. One is almost tolerant about the poor orphan who steals cars not for a living but to give back to the orphanage so it does not create any more car thieves. What an original Robinhood inspired move by director Abhinav Singh Kashyap, one that does not make you lift an eyebrow after reading ‘original’ and ‘inspired’ in the same line.

Titu – Bablee’s friend and partner in crime, who along with Bablee has been far removed from any kind of logical reasoning.

Tara Sharma – Bablee’s love interest played by Pallavi Sharda. We last saw her in the psychological thriller ‘Table 21’ opposite Rajeev Khandelwal. They had to bring the ‘rich girl-poor boy’ angle now, didn’t they? Except that she is the daughter of a middle class widow and is striving hard to climb the Delhi wall of status. (read ‘own a fleet of the most expensive cars!’)

Chulbul & Bulbul Chautala – They could have very well been surnamed the ‘Pandeys’, for if I were the director, I too would have stolen popular names from my debut blockbuster film. The relief is that they are being played by Rishi and Neetu Kapoor, a childless cop couple who are in the trace of Bablee, Delhi’s most wanted car thief, who steals with love. They had to bring the ‘orphan boy-childless couple’ angle now, didn’t they?

Bhim Singh Chandel – The lean-mean-shooting machine with a small army who is sometimes seen using a bazooka like missile anywhere and everywhere in the city. The hawala operator played by Jaaved Jaffery gets Bablee to work for him for big money, because Bablee isn’t afraid of his bazookas.

Story

The story is an inspirational take on Paulo Coelho’s ‘The Alchemist’ – If you wish for something very badly, the entire universe conspires to get you that’. Logic can take a beating.

Bablee steals Tara’s new car unknowingly, right after she rejects his love proposal as he is an orphan-thief. To win her love, he steals it right back putting his life on the line. Her heart softens on the way.

Meanwhile, Bhim Singh, The Chautalas and logic are all in hot pursuit of the newly-fallen-in-love couple, each for their own reasons. It has to end in a climax at a warehouse, doesn’t it? The orphanage kids are kidnapped, a huge police force is waiting outside, Bulbul Chautala is shot, Bablee’s intentions are misconstrued, etc. etc. etc.

Everything is sorted out as the bad guy is caught. Bablee is adopted by the Chautalas in case you didn’t know that one was coming! Bablee, no more an orphan now, need not steal cars anymore, so his lady love is delighted too!

Lessons

Believe in your dreams; you can change your destiny. An orphan car thief can also find a pair of cop parents and a sophisticated girl, despite his itchy crotch. The film was declared a flop in the first week itself, but these are the movies that go on to make everlasting history at a later time. Sholay was a flop too, in its time.

Character assassination is insignificant when weighed against what the film teaches you – that a badly behaved girl who does not give a damn about insulting people lower than her in status, can actually transform into an angel with the touch of love. Love brings miracles, love one and all folks! What a message to take to the Oscars and share the love!

Now that you are convinced, dear reader, please help me decide what genre can we put this movie into – romance, comedy, action, thriller or something hitherto unknown?!

Warning: Do not watch this movie while having a meal, unless you do not mind losing your appetite over loo jokes with background sounds and thankfully no smells as movie technology is yet to master the art of bringing in olfactory senses on celluloid.

10 thoughts on “Why Besharam should go to the Oscars”

  1. Funny how perspective though a sarcastic one can change things….I know the movie’s not even worth the time but your witty review makes me wanna watch this.:)
    Very well written Vinaya!:)

    1. I actually am persuading ppl to stay away….but looks like the post has excited somebody to go watch it…uh..oh!!
      Anyways, thanks for reading and your comment Nikhil!

  2. Lol..I just can’t stop laughing Vinaya..I assure if this movie make to the Oscar and somehow the director sees this post,He is surely going to be on cloud nine and will loads you with applause for making such a useless movie look great.. 😀
    Great work done by you… 😀

    1. My dear Harsha…I’m telling you this movie is great by its own merit…I’m not making it “look good” 😉 Thanks for the compliments though…feels nice to be appreciated when you hardly have any readers 😀
      Watch the movie and let me know if you agree with my post..ok?!

  3. Hey Vinaya,

    Love the new look and feel of your blog. It is superb!

    I happened to check some old blogposts and found your comments. Realized that I hadn’t even known you had commented (so much for tracking what happens on my blog, hahahaha!) Sorry about that ok?

    Besharam is one of the few films I skipped but I enjoyed reading your witty post. Keep writing more reviews…how about Jai Ho? 😀

    1. Thanks for the compliment Swapna!

      hahaha!! I don’t keep a track, so no issues there at all!! Ever since I changed to wordpress from blogger, even keeping track of what blogs I was used to reading became tough…i need to use tools now:)

      Jai Ho to Jai Ho the movie…haven’t watched too.

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