On the threshold…

My dear blogger buddies and million+ readers,
Exactly this day, last year, I published my first post and what a marvelous journey it has been thus far. The joy of seeing my words being published on the internet was ‘something’! And then finding so many excited fellow bloggers, first-time greetings turning into friendship. However, all things have to change as change is the only constant! The sole purpose behind this blog creation has been fulfilled now and I have no more words to share with this world as the urge to capture newer horizons propels me elsewhere!This blog will now become a private dialogue space now that she has turned one! Trust me, none of my words will make sense to anyone henceforth!

I thank you all for being a part of this wonderful experience…a phase of a journey that will always remain special! To all you youngistan, soar high as you chase your dreams. To all of us wondering whether chasing our dream was a good thing and should it be continued further..well, single-minded dedication and the patience to pursue it will bring success coz that’s how HE meant it to be. To all of us who have given up, arise and begin now! Trust Life – it is the best Teacher!

OK! Enough of my wisecracks. Better leave this to the expert. Signing off now with an inspiring piece from Paulo Coelho…

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting……Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams master the lessons we have learned as we have moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up…. (At this point) Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

May the force be with you

Vins the PoohP.S: This does not in any way mean that I will not visit you. You will still enjoy the privilege of my ‘esteemed’ readership!! have to tolerate my nuisance

The 25 wala bug!

OK! Here goes my 25, thanks to Sawan who will never fail to tag me.

1. I love blue (mind you, I’m referring to the color here, as in RGB= 0,0,255)

2. I love wolves and I love sheep too, it’s only when the wolves come in sheep skin, I turn into a werewolf!

3. Think twice when you say ‘Get Lost!’ to me, coz I usually get lost as a rule twice a month! I once got lost near my home while I was returning home after midnight! Nothing to worry about really…its called ‘directional disillusionment’.

4. I cry when I’m happy too, so you may see me crying most of the time!

5. I am a die-hard dreamer. Staring at nothingness is my favorite past time!

6. I am a gypsy at heart. I want to tent all over our beautiful planet.

7. I love the hills; I feel I am as old as the hills. I would like to have my dream home somewhere at the peak with only ‘blue’ skies to watch outside my window.

8. I love tea, especially the ginger or cardamom flavored. I dream of sipping such tea while dreaming as I look out of the window of my dream home!

9. I dream about baby fingers and toes – this could be a maternal instinct, I don’t know.

10. I love food. I could eat anything that is yum including baby-fingers!

11. I have grown up happily suffering from IBS – Imaginary Boyfriend Syndrome. I never imagine any body from the ‘real’ world. It has to be a ‘special’ soul and most definitely on the moon playing away his lute.

12. I am a terror of a daughter to my mom. I blame her for everything right from giving birth to me to loving me till suffocation to the misuse of nuclear power! Poor mom! May no mom ever have a daughter like me 🙂

13. I don’t believe in superstitions even though my mom drills so many into my peanut brains. I do everything opposite to annoy her and disprove the myth about them.

14. I cannot whistle.

15. I had 33 teeth.

16. In my entire childhood, I asked only one toy from dad – a bat and ball to play cricket with! A blue balloon was the usual one I got without asking.

17. I want to do something for physically challenged people.

18. I don’t know if I will freeze on a stage, coz my ‘teaching’ job at NIIT killed that ‘freeze nerve’ long back. And now that I am gonna be a celebrity, I better get used to crowds!

19. I am the best under pressure. So I hardly do much when there is no rhyme or reason.

20. Still I don’t know why I bashed up a little boy when I was in kindergarten???

21. I once tasted blood since this boy who was my partner in std III got badly bruised and told me to suck out all the blood flowing out otherwise he would die right away of sepsis!

22. Amongst all the men who deserted me, ‘Dad’ is still the one, my only Hero…I simply cannot be angry with him. Dad, I love you so and badly miss you too. (in case you read this!)

23. I believe in HIM since no other explanation can be had for the miracles he has wrought upon me.

24. I have been blessed with friends whose Friend-ship help me sail across smoothly in the sea of life!

25. ’25’ swapped across to become ‘52’ during kindergarten…I may have been mildly dyslexic.

26. I am tough competition to Ravan. He he ha ha ha ha… he he ha ha ha ha…

27. I nearly wish to be invisible sometimes – I get scared when people stare!

28. I live in extremes; either over-excited or over-sad 🙂

29. Oops! I have crossed the tag limit in my over-excitement!!

30. To round off at 30, last but not the least, Sawan is also my first blogger buddy, thanks Sawan saar, its been a beautiful journey thus far.

P.S: Phew!!!! (Vin shakes her head and wonders)– how do I filter out such tag requests/ demands ? 25 oh come on…my fans need more of me!
Please consider yourself tagged when you have read until here.

The Pooh has been interviewed!

If ever there is something called ‘Last day Last show’, then it is this!

The Pakistani Spectator (TPS) has interviewed me, an avid, rocking and happening blogger just in time before I go for a ‘personal’ break. Do read it at leisure in the ‘celebrity’ interviews section as it is quite an exhaustive one. OK, not in ‘celebrities’ but the general blogger interview section here. The pooh feels this to be her fifteen minutes of fame, so whom does one blame?

Well, one of the editors, Ghazala Khan sent me an email requesting an interview. I obliged since the pooh will be away for some time to her hundred-acre woods to steal loads of honey and such interview requests come only but once in a while to poor pooh. I, so thoroughly enjoyed answering her questions and hope you guys do not sleep half way through! And if you do, then you know whom to blame!

But, you can put the blame on me…you can put the blame on me…I’m off to steal my honey!

and remember…..
“Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing”.
P.S: Do check out The Pakistani Spectator (TPS). I found it to be quite a candid and interesting read for all Indians.

I have a dream…

All of us do – just that one dream to live for! Mine keeps waxing and waning along with the germs up there, now you know where. The same old culprits who play Pac-man with the map I so painstakingly etch in my mind. As I was day dreaming for today’s quota, as per my personal timetable, I had an ‘idea’ and what an idea, sirjee! Also to mark the moment, a light bulb did flash – ting!

What if, the scientists at NASA take up my case on priority and keep those goddamn space aeronautics studies on hold and provide me some ‘navigational’ moral support in my space? Come on, guys! Can’t you devise a gadget and insert into my brain, much like the game Pac-man, only the villains would be the new heroes. It would work somewhat like this: I draw my map, the nasty germs begin gobbling it up, the gadget is triggered to shoot little things (I don’t know what to name them but have envisioned them like the ones in picture), these things will go right after the germs and gobble them back, yeah, that sounds so good… Tit for tat!

My map would be secure and losing my way would be a thing of the past. I could then also volunteer as a guide for this otherwise complex metro. Yey! There must be a few thousands like me at least, and the additional thousands in the form of harassed passers- by who have to go out of their way to show us our way. Considering these large numbers, it is definitely a noble project worth taking up to ensure world peace.

And I do know about GPS enabled gadgets which work along with google maps but what about a tiny creak of a road, the kinds where the tiny creeps in my brain will have a field day? Either, you customize google maps for me, or you make my tiny Pac-man fighter and I’m sure this would be akin to moonwalk for you. So, all the best, guys! And, do not give moronic excuses like – we don’t do this, we love rocket science, etc.

Wanted: A Knight in matte cotton shirt!

Well, I’m no more a teenager with stars in my eyes and I’m ages away from being referred to as an adult female homo sapien. Now imagine me singing that Britney number – I’m not a girl…not yet a woman, but please, without her curves for Christ’s sake, mine are better! I am single now by choice but in love with my teddy who reciprocates unconditionally. So, one may safely presume that I’m stuck somewhere in a time warp! I also suck at every day relationships right from the traffic policeman, the building dog and her newborn litter, the crows nesting outside my kitchen window right up till the society watchman and the Sai baba temple pujari besides. Nobody seems to acknowledge my presence. I am the living dead or the dead living! And, my mum thinks only a man can save me now by way of marriage to me, Poor man!

So, is marriage the ‘be all and end all’ to a girl’s identity? Well, maybe! Every goddamn form wants to know your father and/or husband’s name. But, I’m in no hurry, I like it when the dogs stay away from me and I don’t find crows any cuter; what to say about the other ‘assorted’ folks, I come across every day if relatives are not enough punishment already! This is what I gather from their eyes, nose, ears et al except their tongue – Oh, She is waiting for Mr. Right! She is expecting Pierce now, and I mean like ‘N-O-W’! She thinks she is the diva queen- all this with giggles and muffled jokes doubting my sexual preferences. So, I take this opportunity to all and sundry – I am straight, very much straight, and as straight as a line joining two imaginary points anywhere and as straight as a light ray. I am not waiting for Mr. Right; he is as common a sight as an UFO (unidentified flying object). Well, I am no diva queen or any other queen either; I am just a girl at heart with dreams of an enchanting home somewhere bubbling with my kids and my partner for life.

So, all I want is one common man – any man with loads of common sense and can see through the obvious. Most definitely loaded with fresh jokes on him at all times. He should preferably be dressed up in matte cotton shirts only, I don’t fancy ‘shining armour’ anymore; you see I’m not into fairy tales and ‘happily ever after….’ fantasies. Apart from the usual attributes of TDH (tall-dark-handsome), absolutely great sense of responsibility, great conversationalist, great listener, great lover, best friend, the better cook, the hygienically-inclined, the ability to withstand female nagging, the supreme strength to change diapers every hour and that too cheerfully, genuine love for my folks – especially my mum, etc. etc., I want only an extra bit thrown for good measure to be referred to as my Mr. Right and that would be – ‘He should simply love me for no rhyme or reason’. I abhor terms and conditions in love and will go to any length to break all of them intentionally. Now, is this asking for too much?

Maybe, yes! Apart from the cotton shirt, how can one man alone be gifted so? So, nowadays I have started thinking on these lines – my preferences and the ultimate choice or the world’s preferences and a so called compromise! And I have come to this – I’m pretty soon going to forget the very essence of marriage if all these attributes are not present in a single man. Isn’t it exciting to be single and mingle with all the separate aforementioned men? Or, I will just place a finger on any of the profiles placed in front of me and make my mum and the other ‘interested parties’ happy?

A terrifying alarm!

I’m not reading or following any news of the terror attacks and the jokes ensuing from Pakistan sometimes about non-state actors and sometimes about Kasab being dead! I hardly discussed these issues recently…most Mumbaiites have given up on this issue altogether and it has become a non-issue now what with our dear Prime Minister’s heart becoming the centre of national attraction.

But a few terrorists woke me up early morning rather scared the daylights out of me. I don’t recollect the entire sequence but after much hiding and strategizing an escape, I finally gave up when one of them entered our room and pointed his gun at me. He looked so vulnerable and his hands were trembling. I don’t recollect who else was in my room but most of them had escaped save for me and a few others who got trapped. Maybe, I was in some heritage hotel or some university convocation hall since the setting was a grand one.

That moment was pure terror and all I wanted was to be anywhere but there! My heart prayed to his – just shoot right away but when I looked into his eyes, I felt pity. He was just following an order – an order to simply terrorize without rhyme or reason. His heart wouldn’t accept that, that poor thing! And unfortunately, I woke up…didn’t get to experience what decision he took.

Just the dream was so terrifying; I can now also imagine what must have transpired in those last moments for the captured hostages. I wonder what is terrorism and who is truly the ‘terrorist’ – the guy carrying the weapon or the guy defending himself – both of them seemed helpless!

My weight-gain program!

OK, I am 6 kgs lesser than the ideal weight required as per body mass index and I too won’t tell you what my current weight or height is. Numbers are just that…senseless finite measures in an otherwise incomprehensible infinite universe! Though you may take a guess…even a moronic actor like Tusshar Kapoor can carry me but if he dares to do so, I swear I would claw him to pulp with my 1-inch nails! I am slim and daring but only not the healthy weight.

Now, coming to the weight-gain program designed by me, my action points are simple and derived from logic: Do the opposite of everything that is prohibited in all weight loss programs. So I checked Dr. Nigam’s, VLCC, Pretty slim clinic and a few others with quite impressive punchlines ‘Lose 8 kgs in 45 days or your money back’!! All they talk about is proper controlled diet and hell loads of exercises. So, it’s got to be the ‘eat and eat till you drop to sleep’ mantra for me then! What happened later is another story…

I have been gulping just about everything ever since I became aware of being underweight to the point that I got digestion related disorders, lactose-intolerance related disorders and not to mention my extreme affinity towards ‘rich’ foods – I began having a bar of chocolate every other day! Sadly, nothing had worked to the point required and I had been able to gain only one kilogram. One kg may be significant when you are in a weight loss program but trust me its nothing in a weight-gain one! Even stretch jeans look comfort fit on me.

But, me the woman of substance err the woman of slightly-less-substance was firm in her conviction. She believed that ‘Where there is ghee, there is also loads of fat gleefully settling around her for nonstop gossip” Many beauty conscious women avoid ghee so I thought this is perfect for me. I started dreaming about all the fat I’m about to gain, what women would say when I pass by : ‘Hey, look at her…she’s got it all man…all that plump and curves…I wonder how she got it?’ and all the south Indian movie directors making an offer to me – I would be their next plump heroine starring opposite Rajnikanth! Imagine me dancing and jingling all that adipose and becoming an instant heart throb of the south Indian men in the country that’s nearly 50 % of the Indian male population! WOW! Also, all the channels would be vying for my interview, my ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures would be shown by worried mothers to their teenage daughters who have been corrupted by Kareena and her senseless size zero; the plump me would be the new youth icon (female)!


Ghee it was that finally worked, but only a few grams. Stretch jeans still look comfort fit. I do sleep more with all that ghee but my constantly active brain like a cloud of mosquitoes buzzing over you on a night safari breaks down all that adipose into God knows what…I still can’t find much fat! I still look like ‘Laurel’ when I am with real ‘Hardy’s’.

Then it dawned on me. What my mom really wanted to say all these months and what she ended up actually telling me!! She always referred to my married friends, relatives, and neighbors and never failed to make a special mention of their post-marriage physique which was the ideal one. This means the only way for me to gain was to get married. Now, how can I even think of ‘doing it as a weight-gain exercise’ without getting married? Sounds exciting but hell, no..can’t indulge in it, I am better off looking like Olive Oyl…surely there’s a Popeye waiting for me somewhere…sometime! Ok Dreamland again!! Maybe, Pierce Brosnan, that hot Bond – his wife is really huge now:) The World is Not Enough!! Tomorrow Never Dies!!!

Dreamland zindabad…

Nameless..Faceless..

upon the grass i tread, as alone as the sun
fresh hues of green paint the countryside
and little drops of glittering wet diamonds
tease my naked feet, chill the fire within

specks of dust shining through the rays,
as guards protecting the celestial gates
the horror, the hurt, the throbbing pain
how do i beg thee for a wee bit of grace!

deep within were enflamed buried desires,
long lost and forgotten in mindless pursuit
i look more closely for signs of content,
but the carcasses lay, scattered eerily all over!

envious no more of the calm without
nameless, faceless pangs of guilt and doubt
i watch in silence, fearing to intrude
my conscience is eroded, self misconstrued!

A sincere appeal

Dear Editor,

Sir, I wish to introduce myself as a ‘Common Mumbaikar’, who after years of indifference has become numb to the vagaries of a Mumbai Life! The recent massacre has led me to believe that I am indeed ‘Impotent’. I wonder whether I have a right to celebrate on Jan 26! This letter to you is a desperate appeal to help me and the one billion Indians that are feeling equally miserable.


Where was I when some people, we label as ‘terrorists’, killed my brothers and raped my sisters? Why couldn’t I hear the horrified screams of their orphaned children? Well, Sir, as I’ve already mentioned that I stay in Mumbai, which is so ‘very far’ from these rotten things, you know the places where these rotten things are a norm- Kashmir, Assam, Orissa..and sometimes Delhi, Bengalooru, Hyderabad…So I thought ‘What have I got to do?’, I have enough screams to hear and enough orphans to deal with here in Mumbai itself! Every now and then, there is a bomb blast and the system breaks down; the authorities go into hiding and inevitably the courageous Hero would be the ‘Common Man’.



Well, Sir, I have brought the ‘Common Man’ intentionally here. As a reader of your esteemed newspaper ‘The Times of India’, I am a die-hard fan of your daily strip ‘You said it’ by the greatest ever cartoon illustrator: ‘R K Laxman’. It so correctly depicts the Common Man as a silent spectator of the system. In the cartoonist’s own words, the Common Man symbolises the mute millions of India, or perhaps the whole world, a silent spectator of marching time! He represents the hopes, aspirations, troubles and perhaps even foibles of the average Indian. I gather you know what I’m coming to.


My problem with you is this: Just as the Common Man, Sir, your newspaper too stands as a mute spectator all these years! Whenever a system crashes down, your esteemed newspaper would be the ‘first’ to bring us the ‘esteemed news’. And then in the race to be the ‘first’ to bring the next big news, Sir, you forget the burning past. I agree, Sir that you are the highest English language newspaper and in your own words, ‘very liberal’. But, it has occurred to me lately that you represent the masses. You are considered as the ‘Fourth Estate’ not for a rhyme, but for a reason. You, Sir should be publishing the ‘voices of us, commoners’. You should personify the woes of every Indian not just in a cartoon. You should take the lead in asking the ‘Why’s?’ from all our leaders, irrespective of which party they belong to or which party you support.


Our nation, no doubt invariably follows a pseudo-democracy. Where is the ‘For the people’ part? Why it so happens that, after the people are chosen by the people, the ‘chosen people’ easily transform into ‘politicians’. Forgive me, Sir, but ‘politics’ isn’t about managing any more, it has become a ‘murky thing’, and all this while you, the Fourth Estate just looks on…refuses to act. With all the powers that make you what you are, you should be the one to bell the cat. Yes, Mr. Editor, the time has come for you to actually put into practice, your sole purpose of starting this esteemed newspaper.


We Indians need to start a revolution now with an apt war cry. And so, we need you to voice this war cry. For if we don’t start now, there won’t be any Indians left! And then I wonder Sir, who would read your ‘esteemed newspaper’! Is this asking for too much?


Yours Sincerely,
Vin

An invitation from Mr. Black Cobra!

Yeah, you read that right. It all happened about a month ago. It was 5 am and I was as usual lost, lost not on the god-damn roads without billboards (am directionally disillusioned, remember??), but lost in slumberland!

He stood right in front of me, all black and shiny, now dont ask how a snake stands?; so he balanced himself upright on his coiled rear end and hissed an invite, quite an enchanting invite though I havent learnt the snake lingo, I knew for sure that the enchanting feeling it gave me was indeed my call from above !!! chalo bulava aya hain, mujhe matha ne bulaya hain.

I was glad that at last some-body/animal rather reptile has invited me to its den for some electrifying exchange of thoughts and/or theories, at least thats what I thought it meant. Come on..what else could a shiny, black cobra want from a beautiful girl like me? why else would a shiny, black cobra scare the night-lights out of me?

So, this woman of substance AKA Smart Alecca, does an innocent U-turn. She confides to her mom. Now, as all moms are, her mom was too! One may ask what? TERRIFIED, I say!!

She drags Smart Alecca all the way to the family astrologer, a Mr. Know-it-all, dont we all have one? Incidentally, he also happens to interpret dreams/nightmares whatever. That trip called upon urgently for another one…only this trip would be another 1000 kms plus from Mumbai – the trip to the Kukke Subramanya temple only 100 kms from Mangalore, where my roots are!

Here, Lord Subramanya is worshiped in the form of a Cobra, so that was indeed an invite; a call from above! Legend has it that sarpa dosha (curse of a snake) may be pardoned here by the Lord Himself provided the appropriate pooja is performed. We performed one of the poojas as prescribed by our family doctor errr family astrologer!!

Guess what I prayed for, rather humbly and naively:

Vinny ki tammana hain ke Hero use mil jaye
Chahe meri jaan jaye, chahe mera dil jaye

P.S: I’m obliged to add useful footnotes for having wasted your precious time thus far blabbering about snakes, God, Snake-God, beliefs, superstition and the likes. So, here goes my A to Z tips on Beauty from the Kitchen!! (given that men too are beauty conscious)..For all men who aren’t, just ponder on the SAKA fairness cream ad – EVOLVE!

A for Aloe vera: It is the perfect cooling remedy for a sun-burnt skin. All you have to do is pluck a fresh aloe vera leaf and extract its gel. Apply it to the sun-burnt area and rinse it off after it dries. Repeat the procedure for some days. (a tip from the garden rather?)

B for ?(check out next post!)