A Second Chance!

brushes dried up in solitude
dusty boards are idling by
fragile thoughts sway so often
i let sow; now i wonder why


the gates of gold shined through

in all their majestic glory
a thousand beams of hope lit up
but my dreams, alas i gave up


i gave in to the devil within

as temptation clawed me so
i knew the road was not for me
but the simplest as one could see


show me a way as soon as can be

to buy back my soul, my spirit, my being
o lord, do not take me as i am
but take me as you want me to be


in You, my dream was born,

around You, i made it dance
o please forgive, do not abandon me
as all i need is a second chance!

Lessons learnt in the year gone by…

1) Never be obsessed with your name; it’s just a dead asset which never appreciates or depreciates in value no matter how beautiful your name is! The final judgment is not based on your name; rather it’s what you have achieved to live up to it.


2) A friend forever in need is a foe indeed! In fact, a foe can be dealt with but these – they can be classified rather as ‘parasitic organisms’ that believe in living off the sweet nectar prepared by some busy bees like you while they go fluttering awhile. You the busy bee wouldn’t even know what’s been eating you from within!


3) Never trust a woman’s tears; chances are that you would take an altogether dangerous path in the process of wiping them away – a path which no man has dared to ever take in an otherwise tranquil state of mind, and then realize that the path is a one way and her tears: the perpetual waterworks gifted to her as an organ of offence and defense.


4) Sympathy is the most inhuman emotion; not even for your enemy should you show any sympathy. Every one of us wants a fair fight, a fair strife, a fair share – no matter which side we are on…even the physically challenged! Never confuse sympathy towards a friend as ‘love’: it is everything but love which springs from respect and acknowledgement of man’s true potential.


5) Look at the donkey seriously. It carries burden without any appreciation or expectation of concern ever, moreover it never complains, though tired and moves on in the present state as if there is no tomorrow. Next time, be grateful if someone calls you an ‘ass’ and direct them to this post!


6) Forgiveness is difficult but the only path to freedom, agreed! So, always start forgiveness as a ‘down payment’ followed by monthly installments. This attitude to ‘forgive’ always works than trying to forgive all at once, which more often leaves open scars. Who knows, in the process…one day forgiveness might come as a natural response to hurt!


7) Learn respect for duty as a higher form of love from the trees. Trees will live only silently; do their duty without a sigh – never heard of a tree that stopped giving sweet fruits since some insane human cut its branches or cut it off altogether. The tree is wise enough to gift its wood for our shelter as if its fruits are not sufficient reciprocal to mankind’s barter.


8) Kidnapping a child is not always bad. A child when it is a prostitute’s one especially should be kidnapped and gifted to ‘childless’ couples. There is no other ‘shameful’ childhood than being a whore’s kid even malnutrition and nakedness can be outgrown but the shame associated with such roots always leads to ‘dis-associated’ adults.


9) I will fail at first, maybe second, maybe many more times; but same was the case with Einstein, Newton and other ‘normal’ geniuses. Every idea or thought has its purpose already defined before originating. A time will come when that idea or thought has fulfilled its purpose; in whose action has it fulfilled its purpose is nobody’s matter. So carry on, be humble. I am just a vehicle.


10) Never take a loan. Being in debt is akin to donating your spine to the devil, neither the devil wants to return it nor will it be returned in all its glory. The only loan we have to accept and continue to repay is that of our Mother’s womb, no amount however large is sufficient enough to tilt the balance in our favor!


11) All energy or matter that forms our beautiful world listens. If I have got pain, it is because I asked for it. Now on, I will ask only for happiness and cease my analysis and judgments for once. God is our loving father indeed!


12) Rub my slate clean. Start afresh. Even a scribble here and there and I will never set out to do whatever I originally intended. So, wishing you all a Fresh New Year!


Har Blog kuch kehtha hain…

Ok! After this huge fiasco had ended and we both had decided to move on, I looked at my blog and tried to see through his eyes. Why did he want to see my stupid blog, even after I had threatened him with dire consequences if he does so? What’s the big deal if he follows it and why am I so possessive anyways! To solve this mystery, I transformed into a third identity, this time an un-named one though. Now, this third identity or character enters my blog for the first time…she digs up my precious archives and notes down any and every little thing of no significance whatsoever! By the time she starts from July and ends up till date, she is completely exhausted and her notebook is filled up till the very end, but her face is glowing with a kind of discovery that only Columbus must have felt on seeing land after so many months at sea!

I was quite taken aback with her expression and also sad that I couldnt see the same. She handed me her notebook and vanished into me! I was back as Vin, with her notebook in my trembling fingers and an anxious itch in my mind. What has she unearthed? What will I get to know? Will I ever be able to put down my thoughts, crazy or worse? But, there was nothing about my posts or my blog or about my beautiful template or my wonderful writing skills! She had noted down only about all her feelings and the little emotions triggered in her in the journey through my virtual life.

She felt warm tears welling up when she saw frustation, she felt joy when she saw happy moments, she felt a sense of despair and strength during the terror moments, she felt content at sheer creativity, she felt healed by the inspiring quotes. She had even learnt so much from my co-blogger’s, they gifted her the spices of their life, they encouraged her by sharing their experiences, they in turn added a different flavor to my posts which were otherwise quite boring! She thanked me at the end for sharing my moments here. I felt hollow, stupid and almost in tears…but enlightened!

To think that I wanted to close my blog once upon a time and worst still deprive a ‘thirsty’ soul, I feel healed now that the blog is up and running in all its glory! I made a final agreement with him and have invited him! He has promised not to communicate with me in any form!! Thank a million, Sen and folks…you guys stopped me from committing the gravest sin ever, forever in your debt! I can sleep in peace now! If my stupid blog can bring someone a little happiness, then why not?

A Fool’s Paradise!

I chanced upon this path
Misfortune, some folks say!
I trusted his honest eyes
Betrayal at its best


Enticed by his promise,
the undying, undiminishing
togetherness to eternity
I muted ‘The Voice Within’


Destiny, she drifts across
a new course, undecided
I bow in reverence to thee
my despair hasn’t subsided


The Lord acts strange
The Lord acts wise
I am his li’l puppet
Happy in a fool’s paradise!

Cyber Stalker

Ever heard about stalkers? Yeah, those ‘dreaded species’, most celebrities are scared to even think about! But, I’m no celebrity, am I? I always make it a point to stay away from flashlights, men-gossip and strutting my feathers, strongly believing that If I did that, I could successfully build an ‘un-interesting/ utterly boring’ image in such minds. No one would dare be interested in my nothing-happening-at-all LIFE. I thought my strategy was right; I thought I would be safe from ‘prying’ eyes’! Alas…not to be!

My case is a simple open-and-shut one, here I know ‘my stalker’s identity’! That’s why the blog went ‘Entry on invitation’ for some time, but this way even my readers were affected by this so-called stalker, what with sparing a few minutes for reading my crap posts, now the pain doubled – they had to login too!!! Since, it was private for many days, I thought he would get the point of ‘Access Denied’ to mean ‘Leave me alone’ or ‘Let me breathe’ or ‘Let me go!’, so I made it public and there you go, my stalker returns in clockwork precision and sticks on like a leech….and that’s an altogether new story. This ‘stalker’ keeps refreshing my blog URL like a 100 times each day to ‘analyze’ my thoughts, to read my ‘underlying’ feelings for god-knows-who! He reads my posts and all your comments and my replies to your comments. Then he does the same with all your posts. He is abreast of the latest happenings in this ‘new’ gang more than the gang itself! Utter nuisance for me but utter Timepass for him, I say!

A little background check on this stalker-jerk. It is obvious that he has no work to do in this life. He lives only for himself, but keeps blabbering about ‘sacrificing, giving and living for others’ all the time. Yeah, Right! At the moment, he is alive only to torture the hell out of me, what with my already happening life and the divine selflessness I’m surrounded with! I am done with the usual boorish contempt show, the bickering, etc. to clear any miscomprehensions he may have about me. I became the ‘ice maiden’ – not at all affected by the ‘pain’ and ‘torture’ that I AM inflicting him! (mind it, I say)

He is a big loser in all aspects of his life, isn’t that the case always! He cannot face the real world, he cannot face the ‘rejection’ brought upon him by his ‘own folks’, he cannot decide whether to stand up for a friend or let her get insulted or better still molested!! He makes a song and dance professing his undying, un-diminishing love, I-will-live-for-you-forever types. He emails, phone texts me. He tries to convince me any which way he can. See, I’m not as stupid as I look! I don’t understand why anyone would still linger around my space when I’ve shot point-blank a ‘LEAVE ME ALONE”. Can anyone tell me what language do ‘stalkers’ understand?

I have two options with me: a) Close my blog and b) Enforce restricted access.

Firstly, I was in pain and so decided to close my blog- no life.. no blog, luckily smart sense prevailed, my blog stills sees the light of the day and also of the tubelights! See, I have no other social life except for this virtual space! That explains the new theme and lively color… Vin was getting geared up for her new life!

I did enable restricted access, which kept him at bay, unmistakably also clarify my stand of ‘Let me go… let me breathe… But, fortunately, for him, it also kept at bay, many others who didn’t have gmail ids! I made it public, believing that decency demands, self-respect and ‘i-will-sacrifice-for-her-as-usual’ will keep him at bay.

But, my widget for ‘Live Traffic feed’ clearly proves the fact that he has stripped off all his decency, he has broken once again another rule of friendship (I doubt there was any!!), he has again stuck like a leech! All his denials are vain attempts to hoodwink me. He is stalking me again…I’m choking! Thank God, I’m miles away, but here it’s just an ‘enter’ key so how do I prosecute trespassers?

Thank you, God!

Hello God,

If you happen to stumble upon this post, an event for which I believe the probability is 0.00000000009999 since its titled and labelled with you, so that means you ‘will stumble upon’ my post, I want to let you know quite a few things. Not that I fear you or expect any favors for entry to heaven, but nevertheless, you need to know what Vin really thought about you and thinks about you, albeit you seldom do much in keeping with her wishes. Still…

Let me refresh your memory, in case you rely on such human tools. I belong to a wonderful set of ‘family’, for starters we are a group of ‘self-styled combat warriors’, the only pinch is of the uniquely distinct styles each one of us possess. So, lets not talk about how the family chariot moves on with all the wheels pointing in the ten directions, so anchored as a rock, just as you! So, now you know who I am. Lets proceed further..


When I was little, my mom said ‘God is watching all our actions and will punish us for our lies’. I thought ‘Let me not take a chance… I never lied’. Meantime, all my elder siblings lied and went scott-free from mom’s cane, whereas me would be decorated with long red bumps. I wondered then, ‘Why is God not punishing them?’. Gradually, the questions increased, every time i joined my hands in prayer at the small temple at home, I saw an image of you smiling away to glory. I didnt know it then, the reason for your smile, but maybe now I do! Nevertheless, I trusted you and prayed to you and begged you for a new set of crayons, a new drawing book, a new story book, a new dress, a new shoe… more quality time with my ‘ever so busy’ dad! But, you only smiled! Some answer to a little toddler’s prayer!

The toddler grew up, the prayers continued but you only smiled! I prayed, i stuggled, i worked hard to make both ends meet, while you were smiling your glorious smile! They say ‘God alone knows’, so maybe you do know, when exactly i stopped praying or rather my style of praying. Maybe, you felt bad, because you stopped smiling at the temple. But, you know what, I had begun to worship people. They were the ones running this ‘loka’, they were the real heroes, each one of them striving towards achieving their desires, while joining forces to achieve collective desires. We, the people were running the show!

But with two elder brothers living the spiritual life and me living the ‘doubtful’ life, a debate was inevitable. I was lectured about your cosmic laws and stuff. I failed miserably in the debate followed with the toughest questions, ‘Why are the successful people, always the ones who believe in themselves, believe in the power within?’, ‘Why some things never shape the way you want?’, ‘Why some street urchins go on to become major contributors to society?, etc, etc. You must have heard it in my home, if you had happened to tune in, what with my entire neighbourhood tuned in! Then, I realised who is the real hero..who is the script writer… who is the pupeteer..who is calling all the shots ??? Then I realised why you only smiled your glorious smile.

So, here I am at your doorstep, with hands joined humbly, Please forgive me, God. I will never stop praying again. I have a lot to thank for, yes, i really do. You saved me from evil, you carried me through my disbelief, you tolerated my anger, you even sent me friends who did the same! You opened a door when all others were shut on me. You are a tough coach but now i know why! So, Thank you, God and trust me there’s no sarcasm here!

Yours Gratefully,

Vin

Who me ?

……….You are a thinker, philosopher and an idealist. You have an even nature with a clear and sound mind. You are jolly and charming. You may not be very forthcoming with your feelings towards other people. Friendship means the world to you. You work well in groups. You have a deep interest in the psychic and occult sciences. You strive to do a lot for the mankind, given your planets favor you. You are artistic. You are diplomatic and can get your views across without hurting anyone. You are sociable and talkative and good company. You are quick witted with a very good sense of humor. You make friends easily and have no trouble keeping them.

Holy Christ! What a pack of bloody lies! And one would wonder who actually ‘buys’ all this stuff? I was tempted enough to buy the software; see, it said such good things about me. Naah..an ego booster this, just a trick as old as the hills – said, my inner voice. Or wait a minute, the machine can’t go wrong, its only ‘computing’ what its been fed! So, I checked and re-checked all the stuff that needed to be fed: my date of birth, place of birth and the time of birth. The place of birth also needed the exact longitude and latitude mentioned in degrees. Oh no! everything was right… Indeed, the output had to be an accurate one!


My dear friends, philosophers, guides and the permutations/combinations thereby possible with these three roles, as you all know by now, I am not blessed with most of the aforementioned qualities…well, almost!


Does the software have a bug then? Or is it coded with only positive vibrations? Or better still, is it scripted to ‘build the right self-image’ , to see themselves in a new light and not their own perceptions? Or come on, am i that good? BS, i say!


Mathematics can never deviate. Coded with only positive vibrations – almost next to impossible. Built to boost self-image — why on earth would an astrology software do that! So, by the method of deductive reasoning, one may deduce that the only reason remaining would be this…The output is accurate and in keeping with the qualities of Vin2. And did i say Vin2? One may ask, “Vin2.. who?” Well, Vin2 is the alter ego of Vin, thats me, the one who is typing now. Is there a need for a formal introduction? Naaah..We all have read the qualities she’s endowed with. Soon, she will have her own space…her own blog. Entry is free but restricted. Watch out, folks!

A sincere appeal

Dear Editor,

Sir, I wish to introduce myself as a ‘Common Mumbaikar’, who after years of indifference has become numb to the vagaries of a Mumbai Life! The recent massacre has led me to believe that I am indeed ‘Impotent’. I wonder whether I have a right to celebrate on Jan 26! This letter to you is a desperate appeal to help me and the one billion Indians that are feeling equally miserable.


Where was I when some people, we label as ‘terrorists’, killed my brothers and raped my sisters? Why couldn’t I hear the horrified screams of their orphaned children? Well, Sir, as I’ve already mentioned that I stay in Mumbai, which is so ‘very far’ from these rotten things, you know the places where these rotten things are a norm- Kashmir, Assam, Orissa..and sometimes Delhi, Bengalooru, Hyderabad…So I thought ‘What have I got to do?’, I have enough screams to hear and enough orphans to deal with here in Mumbai itself! Every now and then, there is a bomb blast and the system breaks down; the authorities go into hiding and inevitably the courageous Hero would be the ‘Common Man’.



Well, Sir, I have brought the ‘Common Man’ intentionally here. As a reader of your esteemed newspaper ‘The Times of India’, I am a die-hard fan of your daily strip ‘You said it’ by the greatest ever cartoon illustrator: ‘R K Laxman’. It so correctly depicts the Common Man as a silent spectator of the system. In the cartoonist’s own words, the Common Man symbolises the mute millions of India, or perhaps the whole world, a silent spectator of marching time! He represents the hopes, aspirations, troubles and perhaps even foibles of the average Indian. I gather you know what I’m coming to.


My problem with you is this: Just as the Common Man, Sir, your newspaper too stands as a mute spectator all these years! Whenever a system crashes down, your esteemed newspaper would be the ‘first’ to bring us the ‘esteemed news’. And then in the race to be the ‘first’ to bring the next big news, Sir, you forget the burning past. I agree, Sir that you are the highest English language newspaper and in your own words, ‘very liberal’. But, it has occurred to me lately that you represent the masses. You are considered as the ‘Fourth Estate’ not for a rhyme, but for a reason. You, Sir should be publishing the ‘voices of us, commoners’. You should personify the woes of every Indian not just in a cartoon. You should take the lead in asking the ‘Why’s?’ from all our leaders, irrespective of which party they belong to or which party you support.


Our nation, no doubt invariably follows a pseudo-democracy. Where is the ‘For the people’ part? Why it so happens that, after the people are chosen by the people, the ‘chosen people’ easily transform into ‘politicians’. Forgive me, Sir, but ‘politics’ isn’t about managing any more, it has become a ‘murky thing’, and all this while you, the Fourth Estate just looks on…refuses to act. With all the powers that make you what you are, you should be the one to bell the cat. Yes, Mr. Editor, the time has come for you to actually put into practice, your sole purpose of starting this esteemed newspaper.


We Indians need to start a revolution now with an apt war cry. And so, we need you to voice this war cry. For if we don’t start now, there won’t be any Indians left! And then I wonder Sir, who would read your ‘esteemed newspaper’! Is this asking for too much?


Yours Sincerely,
Vin

Essentially Mumbai death statistics!

The recent spate of events in Mumbai have sparked a rather disturbing but funny trend analysis in me. Given that it all started since 1993 blasts, I sure have collected pages and pages of data on the said analysis on a Comman Mumbaiite. So, let me introduce a Common Mumbaiite, one may imagine R. K. Laxman’s Common Man. Yeah, a picture is worth a thousand words but I’m no cartoonist. Please bear with the words till I hone my cartooning skills!


Common Mumbaiite – The common man/woman one sees walking in the streets, who never indulges in any kinda warfare; who believes in Ram, Christ and Allah, who visits Siddhivinayak temple at Dadar every Tuesday, St. Michaels church at Mahim every Wednesday and the Haji Ali Dargah on Friday; who breathes the heavily-polluted air all the while jammed in heavy traffic; who pays his taxes before time and also ‘haftha’ to the local hooligans, petty civic workers and/or police; who finds ‘bomb blasts’ utterly passe; who worships ‘Sachin Tendulkar’ as a Hero; who dreams of becoming the next ‘Dhirubhai Ambani’; who mentally and physically prepares to face the fierce monsoon lashes; who casually saves another life, putting his own in danger or losing it altogether while the authorities look on….;who dies of body but not of spirit.



Here are the statistics on the causes and the likelihood of death for a Common Mumbaiite:

What is the probability that a Common Mumbaiite dies from the pollution he lives in, given that he inhales as much CO as he does O2?
Ans. 0


…… dies from toiling his a** out in order to combat the ever increasing cost of living, vegetables and real estate prices?
Ans. 0.1


…… dies from heart disease given the high levels of stress, fast life and fast food?
Ans. 0.2


…..dies from brain disease given that he ‘has to’ use most of it in his survival strategy from the authorities and the so-called law and order system?
Ans. 0.3


…..dies from the ‘malaria’ caused by special Mumbai-bred mosquitoes given that these mosquitoes have mutated over the years just like him?
Ans. 0.4


…. dies from crossing the railway track since the ‘authorities’ forgot to build the ‘foot over-bridge’?
Ans. 0.5


….dies while crossing the road given that he has to break pedestrian rules as he is already late for work due to the f***ing traffic?
Ans. 0.6


….dies when a local corporator and/or police barks at or bites him given that he deals with them almost right from his food, water, clothing and shelter to a kindergarten admission for his kids?
Ans. 0.7


….dies when he is considered a threat to the ruling party and inadvertently comes in the line of fire given that the ‘Z’ category security of our beloved ministers, VIPs shoot almost anything that comes in visible range?
Ans. 0.8


…dies from a bullet given that he is always ducking them in trains, buses, temples and crowded places and is now a trained expert in the same?
Ans. 0.9


…..dies from a bomb blast given that a blast has occured just inches away from him decorating him with shrapnel and blood, his own and some others, most of his life?
Ans. 1


P.S.: This trend holds true only for Mumbaiites. In cases of death other than Mumbaiites, the trend would be reversed! And, yes, no more beauty tips from the kitchen, I’d rather give a beauty tip from my soul.


C for Courage: No beauty is complete if there is fear within. Courage is the only answer to the Devil. Stand fearless, the world salutes thy soul!

Unnamed, incurable, embarassing, chronic mental disorder

Vin was the most brightest star in this side of the hemisphere and an apostle of the innocents, until the bugs got her. The bugs of the ‘Untitled, incurable, embarassing, chronic mental disorder’. One may ask ‘What? Who? Where? How?’. All answers lie ahead…Read at your own risk!

The seeds were sown in kindergarten itself. Tiny, innocent toddlers like me were taught to associate new words with similar stuff to aid memory. Little vin enjoyed this game, little did she know that the seeds were germinating!! Every new word had a little relative. One fine day, vin was no more a toddler..she had blossomed! Now, can one blame her for what occured after that, she associated ‘interesting’ words, of course to aid her memory, alas now these memories wont fade soon…Associations should be technically based on sound, color, feel, smell but here they were usually baseless, illogical, totally irrelevant ones. Some are her own associations while some of them have been transmitted unawares. Nevertheless, she struggles with these growing collectibles and posting them ensures a light wink in her eye. So, here goes…

All teenagers dread this emotionally depressing monster, I did too. I’m talking about ‘pimples’, Only my germs associated it somehow with ‘nipples’, dont ask me why. The germs have multiplied and now only associate in one lane. Side effects include utter disgust at all ‘pimple reduction/control/removal’ creams. One horrible incident: a guy asked for solution for his pimples, I eagerly said ‘Just have a lot of cooling stuff, your nipples would disappear!’
I wished to disappear…

A dear friend is always ‘associating’ the word ‘prosecuted’ with ‘prostituted’. No logic, right? Wrong, the germs know better. These germs are ‘gems’ in illogical, embarassing link-ups. All boards with ‘Trespassers will be prosecuted’ becomes ‘Trespassers will be prostituted!’, whatever that means. Holy Christ, I will never trespass! This dear friend has associated another gem. A question like ‘What are the pros and cons of this method?’ becomes a story about prostitutes and conmen!! He sure loves our munni bai’s and munshiji’s from bollywood.

Another dear friend, this time a ‘she’, has compelled me to forgo one of my favorite musicians – Kenny G. Not her fault though, its her vernacular tongue.Our most popular, beloved three-lettered word ‘sex’ becomes ‘sax’. When I listened to Kenny G, I usually imagined him with his ‘Saxophone’ in his mouth, but after that it only looks like an instrument of ‘Sex’!
The germs are in their most active state.

Once I saw a very beautiful painting of two pigeons. Only later I realised to my horror, that the beautiful painting was actually a topless woman!! The germs are busy at work. All mentions of pigeons in prose, poetry, peace talks, images of them carrying twigs and paintings especially make me sore. The topless woman scares me! Am sure the germs are winking now.

All sutra ending words associate automatically with the ‘Kamasutra’, the germs know better. I wonder how i’ll ever wear the Mangal Sutra.

Kohinoor Continental is not just a ‘Gem’ of a hotel in my area, its rather an embarassing one. Even while taking an auto, I have to tell the poor chap ‘Kohinoor Continental Hotel jaana hain‘, lest he take me elsewhere. The germs have etched the kohinoor ads with permanent marker. That chap might be innocent, but my germs arent na!

And, did I say this is an extremely contagious disorder? The malfunctioning germs from the writers cranium immediately transmit themselves onto the readers cranium via brain waves during the process of reading. This survival strategy ensures healthy (read embarassment-causing), more effective and treatment-resistant progeny.

Congratulations, you’ve caught the bug too!!

P.S: Now that I’ve infected you, I better compensate with my beauty tip from the kitchen.

B for Besan: Besan is the hindi equivalent for chickpea flour. If the fallout of a sunny day at the beach is an unwanted tan, fret not! All you have to do is mix besan, a few drops of lemon juice and curds. Apply it to your face and other tanned parts of your body. Leave it on till it dries and rinse of with cool water. Repeat this procedure for 10 days.
Oh, BTW….Besan is dead effective against pimples!