Guess what I prayed for, rather humbly and naively:
B for ?(check out next post!)
B for ?(check out next post!)
Well, I could come up with only my personal theories….err ideas!
I observed my own evolution; I observed the evolutions of folks around me; I read through autobiographies/ biographies and my conclusion was this:
All greatness was related to creativity, all creativity was in turn related to love, pain and other emotional catalysts !
Even a tiny piece of creative work comes from either of the emotions stated above, and immediately the average Joe / Jane would get tagged as great! The once-average-now-great wonders what happened to me? I’m only trying to overcome the pain – my sweetheart is no more; I’m only trying to survive – my dad’s no more! but what they don’t realise is this: In the process of overcoming , escaping or surviving pain, this pain serves as a catalyst in bringing them closer to their ‘inner self’, the ‘inner self’ – temple of infinite potential, wherein anything that can be ‘thought of’, can be ‘created’. When we look back at our roots, our parents and their roots and so on…, we see a chain of transformations occurring at major ‘emotional points’ – loss of a loved one or a beloved, separation from a place of childhood days, letting go of a much sought after desire, unable to live up to expectations of near ones, etc.
The pain is pierced at to let out to drip off….very much like the boil that is pierced at to let out the pus, knowing that not only will it cause more pain but also it is the only way to heal, the only way to move on! Leading to original, hereby unthought-of creations! Leading to better artists, poets, writers, musicians, dancers, singers, sculptors, inventors, etc.
Some of us here can undoubtedly relate this to their experiences while writing, is it not that the best piece comes from the worst pain?
Ending with two of my favourite lines from ‘Tujhse naraaz nahi..’ from the movie ‘Masoom’:
Not really, one may say it all just came to her – a million suns shone right through and a million sparks flew by! This theory just popped out amongst the peanuts she’s got in there! This theory which she wishes to share with the world – Let another million suns shine and another million sparks flow by…So here goes:
Having just gotten out of the cage, err.. I mean having come out of a relationship, I paused to look back, to feel the myriads of emotions once so intense, to take back all items of value, to wipe off all traces of selfishness, to mend all the broken dreams but imagine what I saw: A bright light with a silver-like hue ! and imagine what I heard:
Credits: I would sincerely like to thank the below for saying what they said, for doing what they did, for just being there to cross my path, without which I wouldn’t have learnt this most amazing Real Theory of Relativity!
• All I love, past and present
• When both of us were in love, only past… oops!
• Michael Bolton’s evergreen album – Time, Love and Tenderness!
……………….and last but not the least
• Our dear own, Mr. Albert Einstein, of course !
Just two simple words, yet how difficult to say!
It finally happened at the end of the year and the year was the year gone by i.e. 2007. The month was December, a month to sit back and analyze one’s self development, one’s accomplishments or rather the lack of it both personally and career wise. The most vital parameter to gauge oneself by is almost non-existent but I must say it’s gradually picking up momentum. Even as I write this, there are thousands searching for it, more thousands carrying the route map and thousands more struggling to walk the PATH. One may wonder, what is that ‘most vital parameter’? Hmmm… spiritual angle of self-growth!
December had set in like the gloomy results day at school! Looking back at how the year had begun, I was amazed at the sheer human spirit I had displayed! The lone, single woman: me, living alone in an alien city; the ‘committed’ yet ‘so far’ partner wandering to greener, younger pastures… the divine twist in the tale; my faith restored; my dignity safe guarded by the forces; my ever demanding boss… ready to raise the bar (usually at the nearby café). But, a new hassle had set in, a familiar discomfort… I felt like a failure; my insides had compressed, my hair grayed at a faster pace, my entire life flashed like a movie…the more I saw, the more I knew…. I’ve never really walked a path, any path at all… for every two steps forward, hmmmm, Providence pushed me one step backward! This year too is slipping away.
What was wrong? My thought process, my bad luck factor or worst still something eerie, something unknown, something which followed me like a thundercloud when it’s all sunshine for everyone!
I needed help. Had heard about a meditation camp… read more at their website… ten days of monastic life. No lies, no murder, no sex, no drugs, no alcohol, silence of mind and body! Also, in line with my company’s ‘Global Christmas Shutdown’! This was for me, what a way to correct a perfect disaster of a year, I signed up at once! Merry Christmas everyone!
The Teacher said “Observe your breath”.
Hmmm… what the …this is so simple. No deep long breaths, no one nostril breath, no inhuman posture; just plain and simple relaxing and observing one’s breath! I’m game for this… like I knew Providence was guiding me now, at last… kind of late but hey, I’m not complaining… Who knows… I might just live another hundred years or so on this divine Path!
Observe I did, man… so many mosquitoes during evening meditation, horrific stink during early morning meditation given the new ‘simple, divine’ meals, none of us were used to! The men busy observing the seriously meditating Americans, Europeans.. you know basically all the white skinned ones.
The Teacher said “Observe Within”.
Oh !! OK.. That’s simple. No big deal. I observed within……man, I was tired, slept so few hours compared to the hectic meditation for eleven and a half hours every day… my spine felt like a hot rod that needed some molding, my neck wasn’t mine, my knees were major pain centers; but surely Mother Providence loved me now, and soon her hand will brush away all my pain and I could see myself levitating at a higher plane!
Holy Christ … if only had I ceased talking.. talking to myself! Constant chatter…old buried memories got fresher. I began blasting at past people; scolded myself for having made the wrong choices all the time, cried out my heart with every loss I had been through, plotted revenge against lost people who had pierced my innocence, even planned a list of new year’s resolutions filled with conspiracy, lies and deceit!
The Teacher said ‘Only observe; do not analyze or react or respond; you are just an observer here’.
The Teacher said ‘There are no mistakes; only lessons to be learnt from them’.
The Teacher said ‘Everything is impermanent (anicchya); everything an illusion (maya)’.
The Teacher said ‘There are no unjustified acts; everything and everyone enact their respective roles, the director being Mother Nature’.
OK… then what the … am I doing here? How will this help improve my future mistakes..err sorry future experiences; everything I see is an illusion; all my torturers were instructed by God. I’m not supposed to react or respond… just a silent spectator who’s supposedly only allowed to observe her own role. OK then, so be it.
Meditation sure is hard work, one that involves perseverance, discipline, tolerance and sheer grit. I’m game for this but not now. It’s not the right time. I’m young.. I love to talk to myself… I mean despite the failures, loss and grief, I love to scold, blast, curse and pass comments. How could I ever be silent and only observe?