1. An ATM is a thinking machine. It has an ego so Be Kind to it.
2. On cash-strapped days, one can see the neighborhood ATM grinning from side to side.
3. The bugs in the ATM s/w get activated at the same rate of urgency with which you need cash.
4.The amount of currency inside the ATM is inversely proportional to the amount needed.
5. The newly installed standby machines are just that – stand by.
6. The first time ATM users who are learning all the functions will almost always be before you.
7. An ATM has a soul and a karma and the money in it is an illusion.
8. God doesn’t need cash. All ATM’s are in hell.
9. The queue at the ATM is directly proportional to the urgency of cash needed.
10.‘God-damn-you!’ command to an ATM means that you want to gift your card to it.
P.S: These are my ‘real life’ experiences/ lessons. Please abide by them seriously.
1. Prior to the special date, a mountain of a pimple will erupt overnight.
2. A certain well-wisher will fix blind dates for you on your bad-hair days only.
3. The only dress that fit correctly will be in the laundry just before a ‘sudden date’.
4. Your mother will wash that one best-fit, never-washed jean on the day of your ‘first impression date’.
5. If your date is a secret one, you will most definitely meet your curious neighboring aunty at the neighboring table.
6. Your date will almost always arrive after you have escorted a blind old man/woman to the other side of the road and returned to the meeting spot.
7. The more expensive your date dress, the more the chances of something spilling on it.
8. Dandruff comes along with the black dress.
9. Your date will almost always be shorter than you, the one time you wear that extra high, special stilettos.
10. High hopes on your old battered car is of no use; it will run smoothly on that special long drive.
P.S: Please share if you have more and I’m sure you guys have loads to share 🙂
OK! This post isn’t about alcohol or the ama-ZING effects later on. This is me sharing my new found secret to an alternative to alcohol as I’m health and wealth conscious now:) It’s also got something to do with an advice from an old friend, philosopher and guide -‘Friedrich Nietzsche’, who told me that ‘For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication.’!!!
So, this post is about me and my state of mind nowadays – trying to get kinda intoxicated with emotions – deep seated love, sorrow, happiness, gratitude, anger, joy, hatred and mischief- just about everything is surfacing! In the absence of alcohol, every image of it looks so divine! And, what does a once-upon-a-time-moderate-drinker-now-abstaining supposed to do to get ‘intoxicated’?
Now, alcohol is pure nirvana, isn’t it? So, can there really be an alternative – an equal one?
Most regulars wouldn’t care about an alternative anyways. An alternative to the instant cure for escaping reality; an alternative to the free ticket to freedom; an alternative to the same highs; an alternative to …OK, you get the point. Now, my point…
Post strenuous and hardcore brainstorming, I got innovative and a light bulb did shine above my head – ting! I created a bar like effect around me to fool the brain though. You know the slow, soft music, happy- very happy-very,very happy people floating around, cloud number 9 just beside you, angels at your beck and call types, etc.etc. Given that I grew up on an ‘Imaginary boyfriend’ on the moon, this was nothing but cakewalk or so I thought. Imagining is my full time occupation but imagining something specific is like trying to walk in a straight line in high spirits. But, for art to exist, I have to get intoxicated!
Something was missing …just couldn’t point a finger though. Anyways, what I did was what I always do and that is to listen to the one and only juggler of melody in emotions, the greatest that ever was – Kishore Kumar – the other ‘Ganguly’! This man along with Burman have created eternal magic and I’m sure when my grand-grand kids read this, they too will not disagree. Just about every emotion that had surfaced mixed and dissolved into pure intoxication! A little necessary ambience would be silence, a dimly lit room – main aur meri tanhayi types or just very close friends – no alcohol…plain old water works wonders…it’s the tunes that lift your spirits, trust me!
One can’t imagine the kind of highs reached on listening to Kishore. It has to be experienced. I did and realized that it is beneficial – both in body and in spirit! Do try it for the sake of art…It will do wonders to your life. Cheers!
U.P.S (Useful post script): If you are a married man and your wife nags you to quit or nags habitually, you must listen to this Kishore da’s sure shot remedy:
‘Yeh jeevan hain…is jeevan ka…
yahi hain..yahi hain..yahi hain ..rang roop
thode gham hain…thode kushiyan..
thode gham hain…thode kushiyan…
yahi hain..yahi hain…yahi hain..chaav dhoop’
…………………..this is what happened to me on a routine trip to my art materials supplier shop and one would wonder – it’s a routine trip, so how come Vin? Well, it so happened that the usual map I have in my mind after losing my way many times before, got deleted! Not accidentally though…remember the old culprits, those naughty germs in my brain. Yep, they were at it again. For those millions of my new readers, unaccustomed with my germs, please read an old post titled ‘Manzile apni jagah hain….raasthe apni jagah and GPS’, with which I also made my debut in Blogywood. Only the title is long but the post isn’t, I swear!
Let me make a few things clear first:
a. I am not directionally challenged. I challenge the directions.
b. Those germs are entirely a figment of my imagination. I only delete the brain map since I sincerely believe that if there’s a will, there’s a way. Agar chah hain, tho raah hain…..Hum honge kaamyab, ek din!
Things occurred somewhat like this….The shop is called ‘New Bombay Stationary Stores’ and it is as old as the Gateway of India gifted to King George a long long time ago. It is located in a lane called ‘Abdul Rehman Street’ in CST. There are millions of shops in the same street and another million roads in and around CST near Crawford market. Now, there aren’t any hoardings or billboards on this lane ‘Abdul Rehman Street’ so poor Abdul! Nor are there any trees, so poor me! What do I use as a base for my brain map then? Imagination …Life is my creation!
Unusual sounding shops would be the new billboards for me. When I returned from my second trip which was a long long one, needless to say that I got lost that day, I decided to take immediate steps for the map drawing. So, this is what was the route: the lane starts with the biggest BATA showroom – then Toy World – some shop selling arms and ammunition – a bylane called ‘Zanzibar Street’ – keep walking on the right till you see the red post box – that’s it, bang opposite the post box is a stupid shop selling labels and stickers (the shop isn’t stupid, the shopkeeper is and I’ll tell you why in a little while).
I have been somewhat successful in reaching my manzil with the help of this map in my subsequent trips, until yesterday which was my 7th or 8th trip maybe. It so happened that I had to hunt for new suppliers for a new idea I had. In the process of doing that, I got lost somewhere in that dingy lane, but this was nothing new. Getting lost was also a routine thing now.
I tried to get back to my route map, but just couldn’t find any of the strategic places I had made a note of. I was in the middle of millions of shops selling everything that man aspires to have, including maps. But I needed a personalized map – a map that understands me. Anyways, chah hain…raah bhi milegi….so, I inquired at a nearby shop if he knows the now popular AR street. He nodded sympathetically and pointed straight another 50 shops ahead. It was noon so no sympathy from the sun. Poor me walked straight ahead, keeping an eye for the red post box or any box which is red would do.
I finally got there and the stupid shopkeeper of that labels shop was grinning at me. He somehow knew of my days happenings. My face said it all! Our eyes met and we made the last conversation hopefully. He seemed to say ‘Kya madam..hamesha aathi ho yahi…hamesha punchthi ho…phir bhi’. I too gave an answering ‘look’- ‘main tho pehle baar aayi hun..woh meri judwa behen hain’ 🙂
By the way, I have decided not to go to that New Bombay stores anymore, I have found an easier route to a shop called ‘Himalaya Art stores’ bang opposite Sir J J School of Art!
Jahan chah…vahan raah. Jai Himalaya!
OK! I am no cartoonist but a good friend managed to make me one! It so happened that yesterday he sent his photograph with a strange request to make his portrait knowing very well that I’m not a portrait artist. Therefore, don’t accuse me of making faces – it’s not my my bread and butter! I worked hard towards achieving a museum-worthy portrait piece but his face triggered innate cartoonist skills instead. So, this is what happened…
Fig a: Photograph
Fig b: Photograph (modified)
(added stubble to reflect growth while sleeping and also that he felt the previous one lacked resemblance. As for me, both of them lack any resemblance!)
Fig c: Cartoon
Claimer: Any resemblance to the photograph is purely unintentional. In case of discrepancies, please attribute it to ‘artistic liberty’. Please give your valuable feedback and remember ‘It’s easy to make cartoons but difficult to make a cartoon character’- a quote by some famous cartoonist. But I have managed to create not only a ‘cartoon character’ but also a cartoon in my first portrait piece. Enjoy!